You'll Think Of Me
Multi-chaptered Song-fic
Title: You’ll Think Of Me
Author: Vanillasky
Pairing: Ryan/Colin
Rating:
Wordcount:
Woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
It had been 2 long months. Ryan missed Colin. He missed him so much. But this wasn't Ryan's doing; Colin had started this hell all by himself.
It was when Ryan was away filming two and a half men, Colin was jealous of the steamy scenes he was doing with his co-star *female* co-star might I add, and he just couldn't take it. He cheated on Ryan with another guy. Who was he? Where was he from? It didnt matter. Colin had stepped over the line and he knew it.
'So this it it?' Ryan spoke softly but choking back the tears.
'I'm sorry but I just.. I couldn't take it watching her hands and mouth all... all over you'
'And there's me thinking you trusted me. I thought I meant something to you Colin?'
Ryan's words echoed in Colin's ears like a radio that wouldn't turn off. He had done the dirty alright. And he felt awful. But had a glint of revenge in his eyes and was maybe.. just maybe glad he had cheated on him.
'We were going nowhere Ryan.. I just, I needed the touch of someone else'
Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing.
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage it seems to still exist
It seems thee only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
'Really..well I didn't. And I never will. You were the only one for me Col.. I trust you with my life.. my hopes, fears, dreams.. everything I gave to you. I fuckin..loved you, with every particle that ran throughout my body. How could you? I thought you.. I thought..' Ryan's words broke off as he fell to the floor; a wreck. 'I thought you loved me god-dammit' He spoke as he looked into Colin's deadweight eyes with his own burning like fire.
'I did. I do! I just, I have my reasons Ry. And I can't do this anymore. You've given me everything, and I'm grateful. But, the temptation of another man.. it was just..' Colin hated himself for what he was saying. He had waited 20 years for the man lying on the floor in front og him. 20 years - and for what? So he could get jealous at the first person that laid eyes on Ryan and just flipped? He couldn't stay in a relationship like that. It wasn'y healthy and it sure as hell killed him to cheat but, it's the only way he could get it out of his mind.
'Fuck this man. I don't need you Col. I don't need your lies or your filthy stories of where you've been or who you've been with. I gave up fuckin' everything for you.. my wife.. my happy home.. even my kids at weekends just so I could spend a little more time with you. Ha. What a fuckin' joke. Get out Col. I don't wanna see your face. It makes me sick.'
Ryan spoke those words with more meaning than you could ever imagine. Colin just kept his head down and accepted what he'd done.
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothin' left to wheather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me
'Ry please'
'Fuck you. Now get out and don't ever come back around here.. unless you want trouble. You'll be sorry Mochrie.. and you'll sure as hell think of me. Now go and take your sorry ass stuff with you'
Ryan shoved a box of Colin's things towards his chest and gave him the coldest look which was the final straw between these two men who were once closer than ever. In that one moment they had become so far away from each other, like total strangers.
Someday, I'm gonna run across your mind
But don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life
'I can't believe I was such a fool for you Col. I really loved you.'
Ryan stared at the older man for a long while. Trying to figure him out somewhere.. searching his cold eyes for some reason.. but he knew it already; he just didn't want to believe it.
'I'm sorry Ry. Please don't hate me'
Colin's words seemed pointless as Ryan just stared back fiercely.
'I said' Ryan leaned into Colin's ear so close he could feel his hot breath 'Get out' Ryan whispered then looked at the door which was waiting for Colin.
And he just left. Like that. Things were over as fast as they had begun. Ryan never seen Colin again. And to this day, he still misses him even though he broke his heart into a million pieces. And just like Ry said, Colin still thinks of him.. every night.. every day.. and he regrets every second he cheated on that beautiful man he adored so much.
10 Months Later
It had been ten months since Ryan had felt Colin's warm arms around him. Ten months since he felt his hot breath on his skin. Ten months since the man he once trusted with everything cheated on him and broke that once-so-strong bond they both had.
It was just approaching midnight as Ryan took another large swig from the now empty bottle of Scotch. He had let himself go rather.. terribly. Since Colin had.. well, since that day, Ryan didn't like to revisit that memory, it was too painful for him. But since Colin left; Ryan seemed to fall deeper and deeper into nothingness. He looked a mess, his house wasn't really fit to be called a house more like a pig sty. He hadn't bothered to clean up, empty beer bottles everywhere, dirty take-out papers from chinese and indians just scattered around. He had been eating but you couldn't tell looking at him; he was still his skinny self but more withdrawn in his face and unshaven. He felt a mess. But thought what's the point in making the effort? He had nothing to live for in his eyes.
About a week later Ryan's situation was still the same. Still looking dirty, still feeling empty inside, still missing that certain someone... He refused to forgive Colin though. Colin had really gone to town on this one, he never ever thought Colin would cheat on him. He knew he was hard to handle at the best of times and he sure as hell knew he was stubborn to the point of no return, and Colin accepted all that. So how an earth could Colin be capable of cheating on him when he'd seen the worst of Ryan? When Ryan had treated him so bad, Colin always came back because the two men loved each other so much. But it seemed too much for Colin. Ryan knew this wasn't right. Colin just wouldn't do that to him. There had to be some explanation for all of this. Though it pained Ryan to even think back to the day he found out Colin's dirty secret, he had to get to the bottom of it. He remembered last time before Col left, he didn't ask him why or who the other guy was and at the time it didn't matter. But it had been several months now and Ryan was dying inside each day. Things weren't going to be the same between these two men but something had to give and Ryan had to know what really happened so he could have some sort of peace in this hell-like situation. It wasn't in Ryan's mind to be the one to do the running but he had to be a man about this. It was time to wise up and Ryan was ready.
The next morning Ryan got up, rather weary-eyed from all the alcohol he consumed last night. He seemed to be drinking it like pop lately, he drank that much. He sat up, looked at his clothes and they were filthy. Not dirty dirt just that dirt that gathers up when you don't change for a few days.. I say a few days; ok 2 weeks. Ryan hadn't even bothered washing. But today, he decided he was going to change all that and on top of that, he was going to confront Colin. He took a long shower. Scrubbed every part of him, he shaved all the unwanted hair that had came to pass over the growing weeks and put a fresh dark blue shirt on. He wore black linen boxers and slid into a pair of casual jeans and shoved on a pair of black loafers then started on his hair. Not much needed to be done, the unruly fair curls were there as always. so just a quick brush through with his hand once or twice and he was good to go.
He was determined to get an answer from Colin. He knew where lived, Colin never moved. Still in Toronto, with that big house by the sea overlooking the beautiful golden sands. Ryan loved his house. He remembers the times they spent there, memories came flushing back just as Ryan remembered even one single image of standing on the porch with Colin wrapped round his waist, sipping a beer as they watched the misty sea crash back and forth. Ryan tried to snap out of it and focused on what was really at hand here. But he couldn't help remembering those wonderful times when they were both truly ridiculously happy together.
A few hours and traffic-jams later, Ryan arrived at Colin's home. He hadn't told Colin he was coming. He felt he just needed to be there and just say what he had to say. Plus, Ryan would look somewhat of a hypocrite just turning up when the last words he spoke to Colin were
'Don't ever come back around here... unless you want trouble' That didn't seem to matter anymore. Ryan needed to do this and what's more, he needed to hear it from Colin.
He rang the doorbell twice and straightened himself out. He bit his lip as he saw a figure moving behind the painted glass.. this was it he thought. The door opened and Colin appeared. Both men just stood there for a moment, not knowing what or why this was happening but both still feeling relief at the sight of each other. It had been a long time and somehow it felt just like yesterday they saw each other.
'Hi. I know you're wondering what the hell I'm doing here and you're probably not even interested but.. I had to come here. We have to talk.'
Ryan's words processed in Colin's ears for a moment or two. He couldn't believe it. Ryan Stiles had come all this way, to make.. peace? Colin focused on what was important but he could not believe how good Ryan looked. Just standing there, his tall physiche reaching towards the sky, his big slender hands dropped by his side with one hand clenched close tight, nervously, and his tanned skin glistening in the sunset which was just beginning to fade. Colin's heart dropped like a ton of weight. Why an earth did he cheat on this man? Why?! He thought over and over. Realising he hadn't spoke a single word, just stood there speechless; Colin replied to Ryan's plea, clearing his throat beforehand.
'Yes, come in, we do need to talk' was all Colin could come up with. He was so shocked at the sight of his taller friend stood there looking so...sexy and what's more is Ryan had actually made the effort to come see him. Never once in their relationship did Ryan drive to Colin's place. It was always Colin making the trips so he knew Ryan meant business coming all this way.
'Sit down please, would you like a drink?' Colin's soft words were coming out like jelly and that regret was flushing over him over and over and over like a splash of cold water.
'Just a coffee please. Can I smoke in here?' Ryan was stressed. He'd made the effort coming all this way, he needed a cigarette and seeing Colin for the first time again.. well it made his mouth dry and his palms sweat. He was still the sweet man he fell in love with and still was in love with him.. or was he?
'Sure, I'll get you an ashtray' Colin replied eagerly and grabbed the transparent ashtray from the kitchen and handed it to Ryan. Their hands met for the first time. Both men felt a shiver through their spines as their fingertips touched gently and Colin's arm brushed against Ryan's soft dark blue shirt.
'Oh God' Colin thought. He'd felt that spark of electricity before. He missed it too. Ryan was equally the same and couldn't ignore the feeling of intensity and fire in just that one simple touch.
'Thank you' Ryan spoke with a soft smile as he lit his cigarette trying to forget what just happened.
Colin sat beside him, anticapated with fear, hope, desire, lust, almost every emotion you can imagine. He was ready to tell Ryan everything. He knew he owed him that.
Both men sat there for a moment, not really knowing what to do or say. Ryan’s cold hands cuddled the mug of coffee like a blanket, as his cigarette smoke filled his lungs and the air around him; he sighed deeply. Colin was nervous; he knew had to tell him everything but he really didn’t want to, infact he’d just wished he had never ever cheated on him in the first place. But there was no time for regrets or what if’s now, he had to be honest with Ryan. He’d left it too long already and if he didn’t at least give Ryan his reasons then he knew he would have failed Ryan and he sure as hell couldn’t live with that burden aswell.
Colin stared at Ryan for a good few seconds, their eyes locked together, Ryan’s were a sea full of fear and Colin’s were an ocean full of sorrow. Colin spoke softly but firmly;
‘Let me start off by saying, I am so glad you came here. I’m just happy to see you looking well and healthy, it means the world to me Ry’
‘Please. No bullshit Col. Just tell me what really happened and then I’ll be out of your life. I need to do this otherwise..’ He sighed achingly. ‘Just tell me please.’
‘Okay.’ Colin swallowed hard, he was trembling, he never wanted this moment to come yet he felt so inclined to tell Ryan everything, his reasons and all but he just felt so humiliated and pitiful. He felt dirty and sorry. He just wished over and over again he hadn’t of been so stupid to cheat. But that was a memory that will haunt him for the rest of his life. ‘You can’t turn back time’ Colin thought hopelessly.
‘When you were away filming, I missed you so much. I know it was your work and I have no involvement in that but I wanted you to be home so we could spend time together and you seemed so far away and I just wanted to be near you. So.. after 2 months had passed and you were still away, I just started to feel so lonely. I missed your touch.. I missed your calls.. I missed your voice.. Your smell.’ Colin closed his eyes to think back to the memory of all the times he had nuzzled his neck into the sweet spot of Ryan’s neck and just the smell sent him crazy. He relished that smell. He needed it. He craved it like air to his lungs. He opened his eyes, jolted back to reality as Ryan was staring at him, attentively listening, every cuticle of him was awake and alert.
‘I just missed you a lot. And when you stopped calling and I never hardly spoke to you I was just thinking all these silly things. I remembered before you left you told me the episodes you were filming were some quite steamy scenes.. and I was jealous but I knew it was strictly platonic. But then you were spending so much time with her and it was in all the magazines that you two had something going on.. not just on the set but off too.. and well, oh shit Ryan I just couldn’t handle seeing you with someone else.’
Ryan had took in all what Colin had said. He felt a little guilty. He remembered the magazines, the stupid rumours, it never even crossed his mind how Colin would react or feel to them. Suddenly he felt massively selfish and a little awkward. He shifted his weight slightly and nodded for Colin to continue.
‘So I hit the bottle. I started drinking to forget, you had stopped calling me anyway so I had nothing to be sober for. No-one to be friendly or nice to. Just me and my alcohol was all I wanted then. After a good few bottles I started thinking crazy things.. I wanted you so bad and you were so far away, there was nothing I could do. I never even thought of.. you know.. cheating.. not until I was really intoxicated and how do I say this… more than a little horny.’ Colin felt embarrassed. He didn’t really know why, it just felt weird talking to Ryan like this.
‘I rang around a few places and they were all the usual shit.. Sex lines... DialAMilf… GayToday.. All those stupid sad ads in the back of magazines offering sex and what not. So I took it. I bought it. I went there. I can’t even remember his name..’ Colin sighed regretfully. ‘It meant nothing Ry. Not a thing. It was over within half an hour and he wasn’t even…’ Colin stopped there.
‘He wasn’t even what Col? That good?! Is that what you were going to say?? Because if he wasn’t then why didn’t you try somebody else huh? Why not ring around all the sex lines in the whole of Canada, I’m sure you would of found someone to your liking.’ Ryan sarcastically threw those words at him like logs to a fire.
‘No.. I was going to say.. He wasn’t you. It was horrible. I hated his touch. His mouth was too big. He was sloppy and wet and he was rough.. he hurt me.. I mean he was big.. even bigger than you Ry. And that’s saying something.’ Colin shuddered back to the thought of that night, he thought he was going to be split in half.
‘It was a silly mistake Ryan, I am so painfully sorry.. you know I am. It was just a stupid sex line and it meant nothing.. really..’
Ryan sat with his thoughts for a moment. He was angered by the thought of someone hurting Colin like that. His blood began to boil, but then he remembered Colin had brought this on all himself. He rang the line, he initiated it. He didn’t have to do that.
‘He didn’t have to do anything at all. Just wait for me.’ Ryan thought sadly.
‘Just a stupid sex line? Don’t you know I would wait until the end of time for you? Don’t you get that Mochrie?! I don’t care if it was a sex line or a rent boy, you still crossed a line!! And you hurt me god-dammit. And I’m still hurting. And I forever will be unless you can erase that silly mistake you so easily call it and make this all a dream??’
Colin sat there silent. Knowing he was in the wrong.
‘Didn’t think so pal.’ Ryan said tearfully.
‘Now I came here to get an answer and I think I’ve got one. So if you don’t mind I’ll be leaving now.’ Ryan said flatly.
‘Please Ryan, can’t we work this out? I know there’s nothing I can say that will make you change your mind but please.. I can’t live without you Ry.. I can’t because you’re.. you’re my everything. And I love you.’
Colin meant it whole heartedly. He really couldn’t live without Ryan. They were perfection together. They completed each other.
Ryan placed his hands together, felt the touch his ring on his left hand. He and Colin both wore one. It was a signature of friendship, love, eternity, happiness – everything those two men meant to each other, was held in that one piece of metal. And Ryan had gave one to Colin as a symbol of his love, when they first confessed they loved each other. He walked over to Colin, camly and with intention. He stood almost an inch away from him. He held up his left hand and started to preach;
‘Does this mean something to you? Because it means something to me!! When you wear this.. when you take that step, it means forever. Not for a day. Or a month. Or a few years. It means for life. And when I gave you that ring, I thought you would stand by the meaning of it and not back down. But you couldn’t huh?’
Ryan was choking back the tears at this point, but he forced himself to carry on.
‘When you…’ He coughed a little as the tears stung his eyes. ‘When we wear these rings, when I wear it, everywhere I go I think of you. It reminds me of what we have. But it doesn’t mean you can take it off and forget about me for a little while, it doesn’t mean that we are two different things when I’m not with you, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean you can test the waters first then when you’re done fucking some idiot from a sex line, that you can come back to me! It doesn’t work that way Col.’
Colin just stood there; bedazzled by what his former lover had just said. He knew Ryan was right. He felt utterly ashamed and foolish and heartbroken. He moved a little closer and tried to hold Ryan’s hand, tried to make him see how sorry he was. Ryan jolted his hand away angrily and looked deep into his eyes. Colin looked more than disappointed.
‘So, you can stand there and tell me how much you love me after you’ve had your fun with someone else, but you can’t expect me to walk right back into your arms and pretend everything’s okay. It’s not that simple. I made a promise to you. And when I last checked, I wasn’t the one who broke it. You did.’
As Ryan said those last two words, he felt his heart break uncontrollably. The tears welled up in his eyes and he walked out quickly before they came crashing down his face like a waterfall. He jumped into his car and drove off fast. His heart was shattered and he cried more and more whilst driving further and further away as he realized he had just left the only man he has and ever will love.
Colin stayed in the same position. He couldn’t move. He was totally shell-shocked at Ryan’s honesty and feelings. And what’s worse, he knew everything Ryan said, was true. And just like that the man he had loved for over 20years, walked out of his life. The tears formed almost on cue as he fell to the floor and sobbed and wailed his heart out. Eventually he fell into a tearful lonely sleep as the cold floor wrapped him up and seemed to be his only friend now.
*****
A month had passed and Ryan found himself sitting in his big house, all alone, spending day after day getting wasted and feeling like he meant nothing to no-one anymore. He felt incomplete. And he knew exactly why.
He mulled over the last words he spoke to Colin that day. The day they walked out of each other’s lives and into a life filled with loneliness and heartache.
‘Idiot, Idiot, Idiot!’ he said clenching his knuckles together so tight they nearly turned purple. It had only been a month since that happened, but to Ryan, it felt like an eternity. He was still angry at Colin for breaking their promise but.. somewhere.. deep down.. Ryan couldn’t bear to be without him; he wanted him back. He’d already spent a draining month alone, and really didn’t want to spend another minute without him. He missed their talks. The late night chats, about nothing really, just general banter but it filled Ryan with the utmost pleasure and a deep deep connection only they felt.
Together they were, invincible. Apart they were, hopeless.
Colin missed Ryan too. Like his leg was gone or his right arm wasn’t there. He felt empty without Ryan and somewhat, scared, to face the world without him. He was shy and Ryan had brought out the best in him; always. So now they weren’t together anymore; Colin just fell apart. He too remembered the day they said goodbye to each other and just replayed it over and over in his head like a broken record. He wished that Ryan would call, write, even just to say a simple ‘Hi’ and then be gone. But it never came. He blamed this entirely on himself and beat himself up about it so much that he became so unsociable. He never went out anymore. He locked the doors in his house, drew the curtains and lay on the couch, like a frightened little rabbit. He didn’t know what to do. Ryan really kept Colin together. He was his grip on life. His rock. His one and only. And he couldn’t believe he had let him walk out of his life so easily.
Ryan sat on his couch and stared outside his large glass windows. He witnessed another endless day go by as the sun began to set behind the clouds and his thoughts of Colin clearly showed signs of never seeming to stop. He suddenly had an epiphany. He wasn’t good at these type of things.. but, he knew if the idea he had worked; it would be so worthwhile and of course, lead him back into his lover’s life. It was a long shot but he was willing to give anything a go.
Depsite the rumors, and even Ryan admitting he wasn’t good with computers; he was actually more of a geek. He knew how to work one and was rather technical in that department. Giving the exact talent; he set out to make a video for Colin. He knew nothing would get to his heart more than seeing beautiful images strung together behind one of Ryan’s favourite songs and a few words here and there to explain to Colin how he felt. He was truly excited. He went to a lot of effort to do this. He got old clips from the Whose Line years, a few pictures of Colin he adores; his favourites. And to top it off a song that he knew Colin would appreciate and the lyrics were just flawless. Ryan was happy. Happy to make something for his friend, to show him he was sorry and to tell him how much he missed him. Of course Ryan wanted to do that in person but he thought he’d do this first, then if that worked; he could really be open and tell Colin face to face. But for now; the video was the best idea.
He was finishing the final touches as he burnt the video to a disc and prepared to get Colin’s address and send it to him via post. An email would be easier, and a lot quicker but Ryan wanted Colin to sit down, watch this from his DVD player and show him that it wasn’t just some spam or a silly ploy to make Colin forgive him. It was just a sheer act of love and devotion and he wanted Colin to cherish it. Forever.
Ryan had placed a little note in the envelope along with the DVD in the parcel and it simply said:
‘Watch this. For me. Please. Ry’
That was more than enough to say and Ryan eagerly posted it and counted every second until he heard...until he *hoped* the phone would ring and it would be that sweet Canadian he loved so much, on the other line.
A few days later, Colin received a not small but not overly large brown parcel. He was curious. At first, not only to what it was but to open the door. He didn’t want to see anyone, but he knew it was only the postman as no-one else would bother him at this un-godly hour. He stumbled over to the door, unlocked it twice and a high-pitched voice muttered out:
‘Sign here please’
‘Whoa’ Colin thought. ‘What is up with you. Geez. You’re balls not dropped yet?’ he thought amusingly as he signed the paper lazily. The postie gave him a slight smile and walked briskly off, leaving the unknown parcel with a confused Colin.
‘What the hell is this then? Some stupid advertising company sending me samples again. If I’ve told them once I’ve told them a hundred times.’ Colin whipped as he sighed annoyingly. He opened it to find a small envelope, along with a parcel wrapped with two brown ribbons.
‘What the’ Colin mumbled as he racked his brain to think what an earth this was.
He removed the ribbons and paper to find a silver DVD. It was plain. Nothing written on it. He also opened the small envelope that held a little note. Colin swallowed nervously. He knew immediately who it was from. He traced the handwriting from the back of the note, his heart skipped a beat. Suddenly nothing else mattered but the note and DVD.
He turned it over and read the 6 words that were laced across the paper. Colin mouthed the words as he processed what he’d just read. His heart nearly stopped.
‘Why would Ryan send me a DVD?’ He thought surprisingly. Still he couldn’t get to the DVD player quick enough, he made himself comfortable and pressed play.
"Insert Video Here"
Colin just sat there. In total amazement. His face was flooded with tears and his whole body trembling. Those 4minutes… those 4 *beautiful* minutes, had turned him into complete and utter jelly. He wasn’t able to move. He couldn’t even produce speech. He cried for a little while, then watched it again. His heart ached with love he’d wished to have expressed so many times before. And for what seemed like the first time in a long time, his head told him to do the right thing – Call Him.
It had been 2 hours since Colin had received the video from Ryan and he just couldn’t stop watching it. He wiped away what seemed like endless tears from his face as he felt his heart ache with enormous regret and pain. He wished he hadn’t of parted like they did and most of all he just wanted his friend and lover back more than anything. He knew now that it was time to say sorry and get back the only man he’s ever loved.
He stood up slowly, re-adjusting himself and took the DVD out and placed it carefully back into the parcel. He climbed the stairs to his room and placed the parcel in his bedside drawer. He kept lots of little things in there – all about Ryan. Notes he had written to him, little messages, gifts, even a bottle of Ryan’s cologne. He had took it upon himself to buy a bottle just so he could be reminded of Ryan. His scent was one of Colin’s absolute weaknesses. One smell and he was jelly. And even though they had been apart for a while now, he sprayed the scent of Davidoff’s "cool water" onto his pillow every night; just to remind him of his love. But there was no need for that anymore because Colin wanted the real thing, he wanted to smell that enchanting cologne, not from the bottle, but from Ryan himself.
He traveled back downstairs and picked up the phone. He was nervous. More than nervous but he was more determined than anything. As he dialed his lover’s digits carefully into the receiver, he started to shake a little at the thought of Ryan’s voice. That deep, low tone that made him shiver with excitement, was only a click away and he had missed the sound of him oh so much. He put the phone to his burning ear and it began to ring.
Ryan jumped instinctively. He knew who that was ringing. He had been waiting for this call all day. At last it came, and he was shaking with excitement and fear.
‘What does Colin think? Did he like the video? Does he want me back? Does he hate it?’ All these questions started to form in Ryan’s hazy mind as he paced back and forth, having still not answered the ringing phone.
‘Fuck!’ he whispered. ‘Shut up and just answer it you wimp’ Ryan said forcefully as he clicked the little green telephone sign.
"He…hello?"
"I got your video"
"Oh.. you..you did? Oh I’m glad. I thought the postman might have thought it to be too big to deliver right away, so being my stupid self I set it to recorded delivery which of course makes it arrive quicker but I didn’t even know if you wanted to see me let alone receive something like this from me so."
Ryan was cut off abruptly to Colin’s soft words as he said.
"I loved it Ry. I loved every single second of it. I cried.. I cried like a mother would cry for her lost son. And god I.. I miss you too. So much"
Ryan cringed at his stupid way of rambling before smiling widely at his lover’s reply.
"Col.. I can’t talk to you over a phone. I want to see you. I want to see your handsome face.. can we, meet? Now? Say, at a hotel or restaurant? I have to see you Col, I just have to"
Ryan spoke with urgency and hope. He needed to see Colin, it had been too long. Way too long…
"Oh Ry, there is nothing I would like more than that bu"
"But your busy. I’m so stupid, forgive me Col, I’m jumping the gun. I send you one sentimental video and I expect you to jump straight back into my arms. Forgive me I’m just an idiot"
Colin smiled heartfully at his friend’s answer. ‘Same old Ry’ he thought. Let’s his guard down for a second and before I can answer he slams it shut and locks it.
"Ryan. I was going to say, if you had of let me finish…I would like nothing more than that but I don’t want to meet you at those places... I want you here. At my place. Like old times when we were…you know.. when we were"
"Soulmates?" Ryan said softly.
"We never stopped being soulmates." Colin said throatily. "Even though we were apart I felt you deep in my heart each and every day."
They both smiled a shy grin at the thought of them being as one. They always felt like one. Even before they had become more than friends. It was just natural to them. Like they were born with it. Like they were born for each other.
"I’ll be there before you know it"
And with that, Ryan hung up. Colin stared at his phone for a few seconds before smiling happily and returning it to it’s handle.
And Ryan was there before Colin knew it. He hadn’t a clue how he had got here so fast but truth be told; he didn’t care a bit. He was so excited and thrilled and overwhelmed to see Ryan that nothing else mattered from this moment on but him.
Colin had put an unusual song on the stereo. He wasn’t the biggest fan of cheesy love songs and all that jazz but this song was.. different. It was sensual, and loving and sexy and manly all at the same time. It was an instrumental track, no lyrics just wonderful calming mellow sounds coming from the old speakers. He let the sound fill the whole house and before he knew it, a small and gentle knock on Colin’s door echoed in his ears. As he walked slowly to the front door, hands gripped tightly and he was sure his mouth was beginning to tremble ever so slightly. Ryan was shaking too, in more places than one. He just wanted to be back home, back where he belonged, in Colin’s arms.
The door was unlocked and it creaked slightly, before a tall lanky figure appeared. Dressed in a black plain shirt, the two top buttons were left undone so Ryan’s chest was showing and his winter tan was glowing marvelously. He strode in, dark blue jeans accompanied with dark brown loafers. He looked a million dollars. Literally.
"Hell he looked a million dollars all the time" Colin thought but this was different, this was the first time they’d seen each other in about two months. Which to those two lovers – was a complete lifetime.
Ryan sighed with love before vomiting an utter most love felt
"Hi"
Colin returned it with an emotional tear-filled
"Hi"
His eyebrows frowned as he spoke that one word and his heart bit into his chest like a sting from a bee.
The two men just stared at each other for a moment. Like they had been apart for 20 years and only just been reunited. But two months was like twenty years to these men. They had been inseparable from day one. So this break… this time apart… whatever you wanted to call it, was a complete end of days for both souls. And this reunion was, to say the least… heartfelt beyond recognition.
They stepped closer almost simultaneously as Ryan slammed the door shut and breathed in the man he’d missed more than anything. Colin closed his eyes and let the happy tears stroll down his face as he felt the familiar presence of a tall dark frame near him and of course, that gorgeous smelling Cool Water.
"He’s wearing it. Oh my god he’s wearing it. Ohhh" Colin thought and let himself breathe in everything he could for the moment that was forever theirs. They still hadn’t touched yet. They just wanted to remember the feeling of being close, without contact, but being close still. Close to that person who you hold so deep, they wanted to remember this moment and cherish it. It was truly important to them.
"I guess, I.. we, I guess we should"
Ryan spoke almost breathlessly, yet before he could finish Colin had laced his lips onto Ryan’s with absolute delight and hunger. He couldn’t wait any longer. He had waited so long already for those soft lips to be on his own and to wait any longer would be like depriving a fish of it’s water. He had to have this. He needed this. They both needed this.
Ryan accepted lovingly as he poured himself into Colin, wrapping his long arms around the man he had not felt for so long and they embraced each other and held on for dear life. Their tongues ran along each others like a river runs through a lake. It was soft and gentle yet hot and lustful. Their hands searched each other’s backs furiously remembering every spot and edge and crinkle they had both come to know instantaneously as lovers. They fell to floor, not once losing contact and they fell into each other hopelessly. They didn’t care what time it was. They didn’t care what else was happening in this crazy, beautiful, magic almost tragic world they lived in. They were just happy that they were alive on this earth at this moment. And that’s all they needed.