The Show
Title:The Show
Author: colinsgal
Pairing Ry/Col
Ryan and I are incompatible in bed. Completely and absolutely we just do not work. I don’t mean in the sexual sense of course; in that sense we are more than compatible….we’re great in that department actually, but when it comes to actually being in bed together, just sleeping together, well, we just don’t work at all. It’s a complete and utter nightmare.
Ryan’s back problems are well documented, and believe me, his back is a mess, and I sympathise, really I do - no one sympathises more than I do, but sharing a bed with him is just impossible. Being in bed with Ryan is an experience - and again I’m not referring to his sexual ability. Trying - and I can’t emphasise that enough - trying to sleep with Ryan is a performance in itself. Anybody who has watched Whose Line? or seen Ryan live may think they have seen a performance, but believe me, that is nothing compared to the show that goes on when we share a bed. Oh, and for the record - there is nothing grumpier than a Sleeping Ryan. Take that from me.
The trouble is, the nights we get to spend together are few and far between. Our schedules are too hectic and conflicting, and it’s rare when it coincides that we have enough time off at the same time to be together properly. Obviously, with odds like that you want to make the most of things, right? I miss him like hell, and the feeling’s mutual. It hurts, more than I could ever describe, that we spend most of the years apart, but in a paradoxical kind of way that kind of makes the time we do spend together all the more important. When we do get the luxury of a few days together we don’t want to waste a second out of each others’ company. We’ll do what any other two people in love do - we’ll cook dinner, rent a movie and curl up on the couch, drink some really great wine, enjoy each other and generally just be. And it’s the most amazing and precious thing in my life.
Until the time comes to go to bed. That’s when the fairytale enters nightmare territory.
I’m a tactile guy, always have been - especially when it comes to Ryan. Looking back at old tapings of Whose Line - even before we got together- I guess it was pretty obvious to anyone watching how we felt about each other. Our affection for one another was something we never tried to hide, be it consciously or subconsciously, and the love and friendship we share is demonstrable - there for all to see should you choose to look for it.
Having said all that, then, it will come as no surprise that be it after sex or just as an ending to some much needed time together, that I want to curl up with the man I love more than I thought it was possible to feel for anyone. Curl up and fall asleep in his arms, and wake up with those arms wrapped tightly around me.
Nice thought, huh? Unfortunately the reality is something less conventional…..
-o-
‘Ry?’
I gently push his slumping body from where he’s about to fall asleep on my shoulder. It’s late and we’re both too old for this. Too old to sit up all night watching the movies we’ve both seen a hundred times before.
‘mm?’
He half replies, reluctant to open his eyes and snuggling even closer against my arm. It makes me smile - I should savour this while it lasts. Or who knows, this might be the night where everything’s different? Hey, optimism costs nothing.
‘Come on, time for bed. It’s late’
‘Hmm? Oh yeah, bed…bed’s good’ he yawns before his body takes him on autopilot towards the bedroom.
I tidy up and put the dishes from dinner in the kitchen, shutting off the lights as I head back. I know exactly how I’ll find Ryan when I reach the bedroom. He’ll already be in bed, sleeping soundly even though it’s only been a matter of minutes. It’s funny really - once he goes into sleep mode there is no stopping him.
Yep. There he is, just as I said he would be. I can’t help but smile as I silently undress, folding my clothes over the chair whereas his lie haphazardly across the floor, leading a trail to him. He’s laying as he always does, on his back; one arm across his stomach and the other stretched across to the vacant - to my side of the bed. Ryan always sleeps on the left. Always - no matter what. I remember Greg telling me once that he had to room with him on a tour due to a mix up over hotel rooms, and the left also happens to be Greg’s preferred side. After a few drinks there is absolutely no waking Greg, so he’d just collapsed into the bed, much to Ryan’s indignation when he found him. When he had no success waking him, Ryan climbed over Greg and pushed him across the bed. That woke Greg all right. He wasn’t too happy. Suffice it to say they haven’t shared a room since. Ryan didn’t see the problem. But then that’s Ryan for you.
There’s just about enough room for me as I gently settle down, careful not to disturb him. The bed’s enormous, but it could be the biggest bed in the universe and Ryan would still manage to take up most of it. Yes, he’s tall, but you could never imagine just how much space Ryan takes up in a bed until you try to share one with him.
I listen as the sound of his breathing fills the darkness. It’s becoming deeper and more regulated; I know that he’s pretty much sound asleep now and I can relax a bit. As his snuffled snore comes to my ear I know I can relax for a while and get some sleep myself. Fingers crossed…
-o-
I’m wakened by Ryan’s restless body moving agitatedly beneath me. Shit. Typically I’ve ended up moving towards him without realising while I was asleep; I quickly extract my leg that’s become entwined with his and the arm that’s been draped across his stomach. But it’s too late.
‘mmm….ughhhh…Col….back…argh’ he mumbles, thrashing and squirming and pushing across the bed as he stretches in an attempt to find space. Space that just doesn’t exist. He isn’t even awake - his eyes are closed, but tensed in discomfort and I quickly scoot over to the edge of the bed in the hope that he’ll be able to get back to sleep.
No such luck.
‘Argh…gotta move no…argh no room Colin…my back’
He’s flailing around the bed now as if experiencing some kind of nightmare. Well, it is a nightmare to him I guess. It doesn’t do a lot for me either as I’m caught in the cross fire and perched precariously on the side of the bed, inches from the floor.
‘Ry…just move back over the other side a bit’ I say as calmly as I’m able to at 3 in the morning and with his hand repeatedly trying to push me out of the bed (wouldn’t be the first time that happened either).
‘I can’t….not enough room…argh gah’ he whines painfully and I sigh and know I’m not going to win this battle tonight.
‘Ok, ok Ryan. It’s all right, I’ll take the couch.’
I sigh and pull my own aching body off my centimetre of bed and grab the spare blanket and pillow from the closet, leaving him to sprawl across the bed as I prepare for another night on the couch. My body tells me it’s too old for this shit but I haven’t got the energy to argue with it.
It’s an expensive and comfortable couch, but no matter how expensive or how comfortable, it is neither appealing nor where I want to be at this time of the night. And it’s not big enough, but that won’t matter.
I doze on and off, unable to drop into a proper sleep. And I wait - wait for the inevitable. I’d say about a half hour later - almost on cue actually - I hear yet more movement from the bedroom across the hall. I know the next scene so well that I don’t even have to look round.
‘Col?’
The sleepy voice sounds almost childlike and I can’t help a smile from forming as I turn to see what I’ve seen so many times before. Ryan padding towards me from the bedroom, still half asleep, confused and rubbing his eyes. The only thing missing is the favourite teddy bear hanging from his hand.
‘In here, Ry’
‘I woke up and you weren’t there’ he says, still not quite awake and I just wait.
I don’t need to say anything. Finally his eyes open and he blinks a few times, adjusting to the twilight before finding me in his focus. I smile at him wearily.
‘I give you another nightmare?’
I nod. ‘Mm hmm’
‘Did I push you out?’
‘Nope. It was close, but I left just in time. Did I wake you?’
He yawns and rubs his eyes again - it won’t be long before sleep takes over once more.
‘No…no….mmm I’m sorry, Col’
And just on cue he’s climbing over me and snuggling behind me, pulling at the blanket until it covers us both and he’s wrapped around me like a limpet.
‘Ryan…you’re going to wreck your back’ I whisper against his neck as his arms pull me closer.
‘I’d break my back for you, Col. You know I can’t sleep without you’ he yawns and the soft snores begin almost immediately.
There’s a perfectly enormous bed laying vacant across the hall and we’re wedged into the couch like sardines in a can with just about enough room for air between us. Two men over 6 feet tall, one with notorious back problems and the other with the beginnings of them and we can never share a bed.
This is our show - our nightly performance when we’re together. It’s often for one night only, and most of the time it’s a pantomime at best and a farce at worst. But regardless, when it’s on it brings down the house, and there’s no other show I’d rather be a part of.