WLiiA Love's Fan Fiction Archive

Small Town III

Title: Small Town III - The Ecstasy
Author: Katri
Beta and Author for Jeff/Greg Chapters: the EmpressAR
Paring: Ryan/Colin mainly
Rating: PG to 17+
Word Count

A/N:10-97 Arrived at the scene.
10-35 Time check.
10-66 Suspicious person.
10-4 Message Understood
10-66 Suspicious person.

Small Town III - Ecstasy



January

Prologue

Colin watched the sea; the same sea that watched his yard at home, but from a different angle. He sipped slowly on his drink and eased back into the sand. The sun was setting and it colored his view of the sky with all the tones of red, yellow, and orange until it sank completely, transforming the sky into green and finally into the deep blue of night. Chilling wind seeped into Colin’s bones and he wrapped his jacket tighter around his shoulders. He was sitting on the beach for the last three hours. Tomorrow his plane would fly him back home and he was frightened. He had to face Ryan and he wasn't ready for that yet, especially the way he left without leaving a note or calling him on Christmas Eve.

The Christmas party was a fiasco and Ryan's behavior had made Colin so angry that he couldn't stay. He had to escape once again.
Now that he had time to think for two weeks in this island paradise, Colin admitted to himself how childish he was. But, he reasoned with himself stubbornly, he couldn't help the feelings he got when he saw Officer Siegel and Ryan flirting with each other. He was embarrassed and ashamed of how weak love made him and how much he let it rule his thoughts and actions. More than anything he wanted to solve this, to make amends, to make it right once again, but he had come to the conclusion that he wasn't ready for love or to be loved. Colin wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and stood up. He knew what he should do and that broke his heart already.

Chapter 1

Colin placed his suitcases on the porch and dug his key from his pocket. He took a deep breath and pushed the door open. He looked around. Everything was as he left it. He felt like he had been away for six months instead of just two weeks. He didn't see Greg's belongings anywhere so he guessed that he had already left the house. Colin saw his cell phone on the dinner table. The battery had died so he connected it to the charger. After a while it had enough power for Colin to use it. The phone started receiving text messages immediately.

After it stopped, Colin checked them. None of them were from Ryan. There were a few from Greg and Jeff and the rest were notifications of received voice mails. Colin glanced at the messages quickly and then called his voice mail service. No messages from Ryan there either. Colin felt disappointed. ‘He didn't even miss me.’ He thought. After listening half-heartedly through the rest of the messages, deleting the ones he didn’t need, Colin flipped the phone shut; immediately it started to ring. Greg's name flashed on the screen. Colin felt like shutting down the power, but he knew he owed at least an explanation of his sudden disappearance to his friend.

"Hey Greg."

"Well what the fuck, Mochrie…?" Greg’s nasally whined into the phone.

Colin could hear instant relief and definite irritation in the man’s voice. Greg sighed and started in on him. It didn’t matter what Colin had been going through, Greg’s interrogation was no less than the ones he gave hardened criminals when they were brought before him.

"You can't just fucking disappear like that! We searched for you all over town!" Greg continued gaining volume.

"Greg, I really can't argue with you now. Please don't yell at me, I can’t think and I really can’t answer any questions from you. I’m..." He couldn't say anything after that for a while.

He tried hard to swallow the lump in his throat trying to get a hold on his emotions. Greg understood and was quiet on the other end of the phone. After a short silence he continued.

"Colin...I'm sorry for whatever you’re going through now. I don’t know how to help you with your feelings, but you know that we were here for you buddy and that we were all worried about you. If we didn’t trace your credit card history we’d probably still be trying to pull you from the sea."

"I’m sorry but I just couldn't stay, and I'm truly sorry for ruining your Christmas."

"It’s ok, man. We caught wind pretty fast that you took a flight to Mangrove Cay."

"Was Ry...Who else was worried?" Colin asked cautiously.

'After we talked in the morning I fell asleep on the couch, and when I woke up you weren't there. I called Ryan and he said he hadn't seen you either so we went on a search. Ryan was ready to call all the officers to search for you as well. You should have seen him man. He went all crazy but I convinced him to calm down until we checked your card status and found that you had booked a flight and found out where you went."

"What did he say?" Colin said trying to keep the anxiousness out of his voice.

"You know him. He doesn't talk much about his feelings but to me he looked pretty relieved and pissed too. He just shut down and left. I haven’t seen him since."

Colin thought about the information he just received. Ryan was worried about him and knew where he was. He didn't go after him…but he was worried.

"Colin are you there?"

"Yes, I...well...How did your Christmas go anyway?" Colin said shaking himself from his thoughts.

"I hope you don't mind, but I stayed at your house. Jeff came over quite a bit and uh…we had a good time. He is a real good boy." Greg said with a dreamy quality to his voice. "You may want to burn your sheets." Greg said laughing suggestively.

"I'm glad for the both of you. Are you going to see him still?" Colin forced himself to carry on a normal conversation even though he wanted to end the call and crawl under ‘said sheets’. He felt bad that he ran away and left his very good friend like that in a strange town over the holidays.

"Actually he’s here now, in New York." Greg said and muffled the phone momentarily with his hand. Colin could hear Jeff in the background questioning Greg about Colin’s well being. "Yes, pumpkin." Greg said patronizingly and snidely, and Colin could hear the sound of a slap to bare skin.

"That’s good. Tell him I said Hi... Do you mind if we hang up now? I'm really tired. I just got home. I'll call you later." Colin said and hoped he didn't sound rude.

"Hey no probs, man! Absolutely. Go get some rest. I’m glad you’re alright and home now. We’ll talk."

Colin ended the call. Greg couldn't be any more wrong about saying that Colin was okay. He wasn’t okay at all. He missed Ryan but at the same time he couldn't stand the thought of seeing him again. He drug himself upstairs and lay down on his bed. It took all of three minutes until he was in a deep exhausted sleep.

Monday opened up to Colin as a beautiful canvas painting. Colin looked from his large picture window seeing how the snow covered the whole view and the trees gave deep blue shadows. Snow was piled high all around looking much like the sandy dunes he had been visiting across the world. The sea beat restlessly into the cliff and he was warm and alone in his bed. He pulled the comforter closer to his body, trying to gain some sort of real "comfort" from it.

Colin was ready to call the real estate agent to put up his house. It was a tough decision to make. Give up all this natural beauty for the bright lights and big city of his "other home." He knew he would return to his life of wandering. He could never stay in that place again. He was just reaching for the phone when it started to ring. It was Chief Drew Carey.

"Good morning and Happy New Year! I've been trying to reach you for days now. Where have you been?"

"Same to you. I was on a small vacation and forgot my phone at home." Colin answered looking in the phone book for the agent’s number. He ran his finger down the list of businesses as he listened to the man talk.

"But you’re home right now, aren’t you?" Drew waited a moment before pressing on, "because I have a suggestion for you."

"I don't know, I..."

"Turn on the TV now, the local news channel..."

Colin took the remote control and searched until he came to the right channel. Mayor McShane was speaking at a press conference outside City Hall. It looked as if construction crews were beginning to make repairs to the building. Colin could tell the man looked as if he was on the mend. There were still a few visible bruises and reporters had to repeat their questions a couple of times, due to his hearing loss. Colin hit the button on the remote turning up the volume so that he could hear his speech.

"...promise you, this budget while undertaking all the efforts already referenced by others does not eliminate services or impact public safety. We will continue to explore all avenues to reduce costs, but any further reductions such as in staff would jeopardize our residents and the Borough.

Our residents expect us to provide for our citizens and we have done that in this budget by funding recreation programs, health and emergency services, the school system and the security system.

Also we have to direct money to repairing City Hall. The state has given us money for that. They expect us to protect the value our downtown, our homes and our hometown. We have done that with this budget.

There are difficult choices to make in this budget year. There are difficult choices to make in every budget year and yet the choice is ultimately clear…do that which best protects and provides for our residents while preserving the vision for the Borough that has been so clearly set forth for us. I remain dedicated to that purpose and we have done that in this budget."

"Did you hear him? That means that the police department will get two new vacancies to fill. That can only benefit us since our officers are already doing overtime. I was going to recommend you for the other office if you are interested. Your title would be special investigator and you will get a proper salary too. What do you think?"

Colin heard excitement in the chief’s voice. It was a very good offer, but Colin was seriously thinking of moving away from this town. He told Drew that he needed a little time for making his decision and promised to get back with him soon.

Colin made a mental list of the good and bad sides of this decision. Accepting it meant he could still do the job he liked, live near the sea, near nature, and near...Ryan. That was the negative side of the matter. If things were different he would have said yes immediately. But now this caused him a headache. He wanted so badly to be professional and accept the job and not let personal things bother him. He was tired of running away whenever he had some unsolved barrier in front of him.

Colin sighed and dialed the chief's number.

"I’ve thought about it and I’ll accept your offer. If my skills are useful to the town, I’m in." Colin announced after Carey answered the phone.

"Oh that’s just great, wonderful! I’m fully convinced that the vacancy is yours and I’ll get started preparing the documents right away. Welcome on board Mochrie! It’s going to be great to have you!"

"May I ask who is filling the other position and what title he will hold?"

"We are still debating on that, but we have few good men here to choose from."

"OK, so when do I start?" Colin asked.

They settled that Colin would come to the department to complete the paperwork on the following day and start when he was comfortable enough to jump in and get his feet wet again. As Colin ended the call, he momentarily regretted that he didn't ask about Ryan but he got an idea. He dialed to the front desk and Officer Esten answered. Colin asked him to put him through to Officer Brad Sherwood.

"Hey, it's Colin, Colin Mochrie here. How are you?"

----------------------------------

They met at the tavern for lunch. As they waited for it to arrive, Colin asked how Brad was doing and what was going on in his world since he last spoke to the man. Brad said he had a nice Christmas with his friend, who had stayed through New Year’s Day, but then the friend had to leave, something had come up, and now he was just here working. Colin looked over at Brad, noticing his wistful features, the hint of sadness in his eyes. Colin knew who he was referring to and decided to tell what he knew.

"Brad, I saw you and Mr. Brady together after Red Lantern concert in the dressing room so I know."

He took in the young officer’s reaction as he flinched, scared out of his wits.

"It’s totally ok, Brad, I won't tell anyone." He said putting a hand on Brad’s arm. He patted it before continuing. "And the reason why I was there, well I was with my lover too, if you know what I mean." Colin continued quickly in a low voice so that no one could hear him.

"Your lover? You mean like a guy lover? I mean It's ok, but I didn't know. I...uh...well… do I know him? Is it that Greg who was at your party?"

"No Greg isn't my lover. Actually, I was wondering if you would tell me how Deputy Stiles is." Colin winced inside and the bad choice of segue but he pressed on. How's he doing?"

"You mean you and Stiles? No way...! Oh there were rumors about him being gay…but…Wait is it true that you and he...Oh now it makes sense!!" Brad said a big wide goofy grin spreading on his features. He laughed and ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head.

Colin had difficulties following the younger officer’s train of thought. He asked him to start over, slowly and tell him about the rumors. He hoped that others were being kind about the situation. He knew how Ryan had felt and he knew this is what was pushing him away to begin with. He wanted to prove to Ryan that his feelings were unfounded and he had nothing to worry about. He could only hope he was right.

"Well…just before Christmas, Ryan had stopped by the office to check on things. I was there too, even though I was on my vacation. I was just there finding some things I needed in my office and saw him. I heard Stiles talking with a couple other officers and one called him a..." Brad paused dropping his voice lower, "you know…the very bad name for a gay guy. Ryan got real nervous and yelled at them but they continued by saying they saw him holding your hand in church and stuff like that. Ryan just said that he was holding it because you were working on the case and it upset you to see the shooting but the guys still laughed at him and he got so angry." Brad closed his eyes to the memory and let out a ragged sigh. "But you really are a couple?"

"Well we were, but PLEASE don't tell anybody." Colin begged.

"We both have a secret to keep." Brad answered and makes a gesture of zipping his lips.

"I think we broke up at the party the night before Christmas. You saw him with Officer Siegel, didn't you?"

"Of course and I had wondered about that. Denny had always had a thing for him since like forever but Stiles never even looked in her direction. That's why I was confused at the party but of course I now think he had to show that he wasn't anything those guys were saying. You broke up with him because of that?"

"Yes, that was one of the causes for our misunderstanding but it wasn’t the main reason. Do you think that two guys can ever live together in the town as lovers?"

"Well, maybe but you two are cops and in high positions…oh and by the way congratulations and welcome to the department." Brad interrupted his speech and shook older colleague’s hand.

"Thank you." Colin answered, blushing slightly.

"Ryan started his vacation at Christmas but was called back from it because of a missing person case after the New Year. He seemed pretty quiet but you know him, he doesn't speak that much anyway."

"Does he know I'm coming there to fill the vacancy?"

"The whole department knows and is pleased for getting you to stay. Chief Carey said that he knew you’d take the job. He was pretty confident about that as he had all the papers ready for you days ago. You did very good job as a police chief there."

Colin looked at him and cocked an eyebrow. He didn’t put it past Carey at all. The man was a brilliant negotiator. He sighed and looked at Brad one more time. He was grinning like a faithful puppy dog ready to play.

Apparently Brad seemed to have no more information about Ryan, so Colin stopped asking about it. They ate their meals and talked about this and that. Colin thought that Brad was actually very funny company and he noticed that he laughed at his jokes several times. Colin thought that maybe his life in this town wouldn’t be so bad after all, even if he had to forget about Ryan.

The next morning Colin headed for the department. It was a sunny day, but still a little more than chilly outside and he had a brisk walk to the department. He decided not to show his fear and put on an air of bravery as he opened the front door. Officer Chip Esten saw him first and came around the front desk smiling and greeting the department’s new employee. It felt good to Colin to be so appreciated and he thanked the young man nicely before going to the chief's office.

He knocked and opened the door. Chief Carey wasn't alone, Colin’s heart stopped as he looked at the man sitting opposite of Chief Carey who stood up as Colin entered the room. Ryan turned slowly in his seat to see who was standing there at the door. Colin felt his heart clenching inside his chest. Just the sight of green eyes as the bore into was enough to make his palms sweat.

"I…I hope I’m not disturbing you…I didn’t mean…uhm…I can come back later." Colin stuttered, his eyes trying to stay on Chief Carey’s face but shifting nervously to Ryan’s.

Ryan studied him for only a moment. His face was a complete mask, with nothing registering on it. He did not smile, did not frown, did not show any thing but a tired nonchalance in his piercing green eyes as he turned his head away when he saw who was standing there.

"No, no, come on in. We were waiting for you." Chief Carey said to Colin pulling another chair near the table, next to Ryan. Colin looked at the chair and the rigid form sitting in his own only a mere ten inches apart.

Colin crossed over to the seat and sat down carefully not being able to handle Ryan's closeness. He had begun to tremble slightly. Colin could feel the anger from Ryan coming at him in waves, listening to him as he breathed heavily beside him. Colin nervously cleared his throat a couple of times. Chief Carey walked over and poured him a glass of water as he began to speak.

"So here are the papers you need to fill out and then we’ll sign it with Deputy Stiles and then you are hired." Chief Carey said pushing a pile of papers towards Colin. Colin took a pen from the cup sitting on Drew’s desk and started to fill in the empty places in the forms. He glanced only one time at Ryan who appeared to be studying the intricate patterns in the carpet design. He refused to look at Colin until it was absolutely necessary.

It took fifteen minutes to complete the forms and when he finished both Drew and Ryan signed their names to the documents. Chief Carey shook Colin's hand and welcomed him to the department. Ryan folded his arms across his chest, his face still neutral. Chief Carey asked Ryan to show Colin to his new office.

Ryan stood up and led the way. He brushed past Colin, his uniform touching the skin of Colin’s hand and the temperature in the room rose several degrees. If it registered to Ryan he didn’t show it, but Colin though he saw him give a small shudder. He walked ahead of him down a large hallway. Colin studied the back of Ryan’s head, as the deputy took large strides ahead of him. He had to trot a little to catch up to him. He wanted to say something; it was on the tip of his tongue to do so. He wanted touch Ryan’s shoulder to slow him down to make him see himself standing there, a person, not a wall. A wall was all Ryan had become. Ryan opened a door to one office which was next door to his.

"This is yours." he said his voice hollow. And with a vacant face he walked away.

Colin went inside his office and sat behind his new desk. It was nice and cozy. From the window he could see trees and the clear blue sky. He looked in the drawers of his desk and noted that he had all the accommodations he would need to begin work. He had pencils, pens, notepads, paperclips, all the usual stuff. He was just thinking about where to start when Brad walked in.

"The morning meeting is about to get underway and the chief asked me to give you a brief look at the cases we have on our agenda before it begins."

Brad informed him that they had a missing school girl case on their hands now. A 17 year old girl had disappeared on New Year’s Eve and her mother had filed a missing person’s report of her the next morning. They had gone through all her friends and interviewed them.

They all claimed to have been at a new year's party at their old school when the girl disappeared from there. Nobody had seen her leaving and her overcoat was still in the coat closet in the morning.

"We also have a few stolen cars but those are quite normal cases after a busy weekend. We will find them somewhere abandoned later with empty gas tanks. It's been quite silent around here but personally I think it's just calm before the storm."

Colin thanked Brad for the update and they left his office heading to the conference room. The other members of the department were already there as they took their seats. Chief Carey quieted everyone down, and after a few straggling comments the meeting began.

"So we have ourselves a new employee with us now. As you all know we were lucky to get Detective Mochrie here."

Everyone at the table applauded as Colin looked away embarrassed.

"It’s nice to be here, thank you, but let's not make a big production out of it. I'm just Colin for everybody, OK?"

The others laughed a bit before getting to work on the day’s roster. Ryan led the proceedings and gathered all the new information the others collected the day before, which wasn't much.

"The girl, Amber Maile has a history of disappearing for short amounts of time. She is in that adventurous teen age phase according to her parents. This time was just different because it's been over a week now and she hasn't called back and her clothes were left at the party location." Ryan started the obvious facts, retelling what had previously been discovered. "We interviewed all of her friends who were at the party but they are very silent about everything. Nothing new has come up."

Ryan concluded the notes, looking around to see if anyone had anything to add or any further questions. He continued to list out the domestic disturbances, the loitering, the traffic violations and the few car thefts that had taken place. He sounded like a monotonous drone in everyone’s ears as he relayed the town’s 911 calls. When he finished he returned to his seat at the left of the podium.

"OK, that's all the cases we have for today. Mochrie, I want you to assist Stiles in the main case and go through all the interviews and evidence again with him." Chief Carey ordered.

"I can handle this myself." The tall deputy yelped a little too loud.

All the heads at the table turned and looked at Ryan, astonished. Colin blushed lightly.

"I mean, there isn't much to do right now. We are just waiting to see if we can get phone calls from the people involved." Ryan continued trying to cover his earlier outburst.

"I know but I want Mochrie to be familiar with the evidence. This is his specialized field, you remember? I can't put him after some missing cars or animals or be a crossing guard for preschoolers." Chief Carey said half serious.

Colin closed his eyes and flinched when Carey mentioned the missing animals. He remembered all too well what happened the last time he was in Ryan’s office when Ryan was on the phone receiving a notice of a missing animal. He shook his head lightly trying to clear all the memories of that day, but he couldn’t help to feel a hot flush go through his whole body. He swallowed hard. When he opened his eyes he saw Ryan staring at him, his hands gripping the arm rests.

"Fine. I'll give him all the material and he can read what we have." Ryan said continuing to look at Colin’s face, speaking without any emotion in his voice.

After the meeting was dismissed, Colin followed Ryan to his office. Ryan went to his desk and shuffled some papers around. He handed him a paper folder and without so much as another word he sat in his chair and turned to the window. Colin opened his mouth wanting to say something but couldn't bring himself to say anything. He just took the file and turned dejectedly leaving the office.

On the way to his office, he stopped to pour him himself a cup of coffee before entering and closing the door behind him. He went to his desk and tossed the file in front of him and opened it. In two hours he had carefully read all the details and made notes of the things that he wanted to re-check. He watched the tapes of the friends’ interviews. He knew that he had to take his concerns to Ryan and get some answers out of him. He didn’t know how Ryan could hide behind his desk when there was this problem to solve.

"Ryan, do you have a little time." Colin asked hesitantly from the deputy's door.

"I'm busy." Ryan answered sharply without lifting his eyes. He shuffled a few papers around his desk but kept his eyes downcast.

"It’s about the case." Colin continued submissively dropping his head. He looked at Ryan beseechingly, but Ryan would not look back. He felt an enormous sadness hitting him in the middle of his chest. This really hurt. ‘Why doesn’t he look at me?’ He could hardly hold the tears back from falling.

"I can ask someone else then." Colin said, his voice small, a tiny sob at the edge of his words. He turned, patting his hand on the doorjamb with finality, resolving to do just that when at the same time Chief Carey stepped in.

"Did you get the big picture?" Drew asked.

"Yes, and I do have some thoughts about the case already. I was hoping if I could see the jacket of hers and I do want to set up another meeting to question a couple of her friends that had already interviewed if that's possible?" Colin said professionally pulling himself together again.

"Surely Stiles can show you what you need and escort you to the friend’s homes to question them there." Drew said meaning it as an order.

Ryan had no other choice but to reluctantly stand up and lead the way to the evidence room. He brushed past Colin and Drew without speaking and nodded in the direction of the room. Colin followed behind him yet again. All he could do was study the man and ride him out. His patience was wearing thin.

They went to a little room down at the end of the hall that had shelves filled with boxes. Ryan took one box from the upper shelf and put it in the table. He stood back a couple of steps as Colin opened the lid. He lifted a dark blue winter jacket out of the box and a little transparent plastic bag which held a few items found inside the pockets. He searched the jacket inch by inch, making sure that nothing was hidden between the linings.

Ryan watched him with his arms folded. He had a hand up to his mouth, his lips pursed. He himself had been through every inch of the coat but he let Colin continue his examination of the evidence. Colin found nothing. Then he opened the plastic bag. It contained a purse, keys, a pen and gloves. Colin opened the purse. There was 20 dollars and some change. Colin went through all the items carefully. Nothing of any real interest was found with those particular items as Colin learned quickly. Then there were some condoms and a birth control dialpak dispenser.

Colin explored the pak carefully. There were only 2 pills left. He had limited knowledge on the brand and their usage so he wrote the label down and thought he would research his findings on the Internet.

The purse also held a few photos, apparently of friends. In one picture Colin recognized a girl from the hearing tapings. He had just about everything he could obtain from the meager offerings in the box as he returned the items to it. He was working on a few ideas in his head as he followed Ryan back to his office. Ryan didn’t have much to offer or add throughout the entire process.

"Do you think I can call this one particular friend in for another interview, or should we conduct it at her home?" Colin said testing the waters. He wanted to get some kind of feedback from the block of granite in front of him. He was still in the doorway leaning against it slightly. He watched Ryan go back to his desk sit down and pick up the case file. He turned his back on Colin and went back to his reading, the sunlight from the open window casting shadows on the wall and on his sullen features.

"Do what you want, I'm not your mentor or your chauffeur, and you can make your own decisions." Ryan answered angrily.

Colin withdrew from the door biting his lip and went in search of Brad who was chatting with some other officers. "I’ll show you a 200lb snatch if you know what I mean…." Everyone laughed raucously until a female officer walked over and hit him square in the chest. He laughed hard, blushing sheepishly and defended, "It’s a wrestling term…. A WRESTLING TERM!" The woman laughed with Brad and shook her head. No one could stay mad at Brad Sherwood.

"Hey can you drive me to this address?" Colin asked approaching the group, still a little shook up from the fiasco with Ryan.

"Hey Col," Brad said now refusing to conform to rank, "Absolutely! Can you wait until 2pm?"

Colin arrived at a house that clearly was well taken care of. Snow piles were pushed cleanly to the side of the drive way and the porch had beautiful decorations. Colin pushed the doorbell and heard the buzz inside the house. A middle aged woman with short brown hair opened the door.

"Can I help you?" The woman asked with a heavy British accent.

"My name is Colin Mochrie and I'm with the police. Would it be alright if I could talk with your daughter Emily about the disappearance of her friend Amber Maile?" Colin answered her politely and with a quiet voice. He showed the woman his badge.

"My name is Caroline, Caroline Quentin. Is Emily suspected of anything? She asked nervously.

"Say, you’re the psychologist that helped us during the city hall explosion, aren't you?" Colin remembered.

"Yes I am. Why you have to question Emily again? Deputy Stiles has already done that and Emily doesn't know anything more than what she told him. My husband is not at home, but he is an attorney and I think he should be here if you are questioning her."

"No, no, no, I don't think Emily has done anything at all and she is not even considered as a suspect. I just started on this case today and I really want to just ask few more questions from her, if it's alright?" Colin put his hands up trying to convince the worried woman that he was harmless.

Mrs. Quentin led Colin upstairs and knocked on her daughter's door. A quiet voice answered and she pushed the door open.

"Emily darling, we have a gentleman here who wants to speak to you about Amber, love. He’s from the police department. You don't have to answer anything you feel uncomfortable with, if you don’t want to. We can just wait until pops comes home, alright?"

Colin lifted a pile of clothes from the only chair that looked safe in the room and placed them on a bean bag chair he didn’t dare attempt. Most of the room was covered with pink and purple wallpaper and matching bedspread. It was a typical teenage room and Colin didn’t see anything that belonged to Amber, or any thing about her in the room, not even her picture.

"You are a good friend of Amber's aren't you?" Colin asked.

"Yes, we've known each other since my family moved here from England, she's like my best friend. Have the police found anything more about her?"

"Unfortunately not yet. I’ve seen the interview tape with your statement when you came down to the police department, so I know that you were probably the last one to see her. Now that some time has passed since then, have you thought anymore about where she may be and what may have happened? Has anything else come to your mind?" Colin asked hoping that the girl would open up to him. Colin already knew that she was hiding something. Something she didn't dare tell.

"I don't remember anything else except that we were dancing and I went to bathroom and when I came out, I couldn't find her anywhere and that was about 11 o'clock."

"Emily," Colin leaned towards the girl and lowered his voice, "whatever we say now will never reach your parents ears. I really need to know the truth. That's the only way you can help your friend now."

Emily looked into Colin’s eyes and felt a sense of natural calmness. His eyes told her that she could trust him. Something behind them convinced the young girl and she started talking with a shaking, silent voice.

"We went there together to the New Year’s party. Amber told me she had something for us to make the occasion more festive. She was supposed to meet a guy there who had what she called "party enhancers" and he was going to give them to us. She met him out at the back entrance to the party while I was waiting in the front. She came back about ten minutes later with five little blue pill's. Amber said she had paid for them and she took two and gave me one and we went to the bathroom and took those pill's...." Emily started to tear up and she buried her face in her palms.

"It's okay. So you took the pills? Do you know what it was?"

"I...I didn't take any...I chickened out...and just held one in my mouth and spit it away while she wasn’t looking. But Amber took two of them and soon she wasn’t acting normal. I was getting worried right away. She threw herself at the boys and kissed a lot of them. Then she danced and danced. I tried to get her to leave with me to go home but she just kept dancing and then I had to go to the bathroom again and when I got back I couldn't find her. It's my fault that she is missing." The young girl looked up at Colin with big wet eyes.

"Do you know what happened to those other two pills? And why you didn't tell someone that before?" Colin asked fishing out his handkerchief from his coat pocket and giving it to Emily.

"I...I…don’t know. Maybe she left them in her pocket. I couldn’t tell anyone…I just couldn’t! That deputy was so scary and tall and my mom and dad would kill me if they knew that I almost took drugs. I don't want them to know." Emily begged. She put her hand on Colin’s and he took it and rubbed the back of her knuckles soothingly with his thumb. He was very kind and patient with her, and Emily felt relieved and safe.

"I promise. You've been a big help to me, you know. I’m proud of you for telling me all of this and you didn't take the pill so I’m sure your mom would be pleased to know that and not upset. You did the right thing." Colin said continuing to console her.

As he left the house, Colin handed his card to Mrs. Quentin and asked her to call him if anything came up. He said his goodbyes and headed to the vehicle that was waiting for him in the yard. Brad put away the daily paper and started the car.

"You got anything?" Brad asked starting the conversation.

"Yes, actually. Quite a bit of new information that I can bring to the table at the morning meeting." Colin answered as Brad made his way down the road heading to the department.

Colin went back to the evidence storage room and took down the box marked Maile and took the packet of birth control pills. He put the case in a plastic bag and sealed it. Then he went to Officer Esten and ordered him to send the evidence bag over to the lab ASAP.

Then he went to Ryan's office but no one was there. Colin sighed. He had to solve things soon with Ryan. Otherwise it would be impossible to work with him and Colin wasn't ready to risk another assignment anymore because of his emotional life. He still felt guilty about the fact that he didn't stay on task with the bomber boy. He would've seen something wrong with him and maybe stop the events leading up to the whole shooting at school if he just had checked the boy thoroughly when interrogating him, instead of rushing over to Ryan's. Colin sighed once again and gathered his things to go home.



The next morning Colin woke up to the sound of a ringing phone. Chip Esten was on the line saying that someone had called the department and had found something questionable in their well. Chip told Colin that he already sent Brad around to pick him up.

Colin took a quick shower and dressed up. When he left his house, Brad was in the yard waiting on him. The car was idling at the curb. Brad looked like his usual chipper self but there was an edge to his voice. He sounded like he was ready to get down to business.

"Good Morning Detective, we are about 15 minutes away from the location so I can fill you in on the details along the way." Brad began.

Colin looked at him, slightly puzzled by Brad’s brisk demeanor and tried to concentrate on what the fast speaking officer was telling him. He was still half a sleep and he tried to shake the cobwebs from his head after his sudden awakening.

"We received a phone call from an individual from outside our town. He has a summer cabin in town and was dropping by there to pick up some stuff when he noticed that someone had been there. Nothing seemed to be missing, but there was an abandoned car, which we had already researched and found out it was stolen on New Year’s Eve. He noticed some footsteps leading to his well and looked inside. He didn't have a flashlight on his person, but he thought that there was something visible at the bottom. Clothes or..."

They both realized what might be waiting for them there and gave a collective sigh. Brad accelerated his speed and turned on the siren as they approached the residence.

They slid into the scene coming to a screeching halt, lights still flashing sirens still annoying, each noticing that there were already other police cars waiting. Colin jumped out of the squad car and pushed his hat tighter on his head. He wrapped his arms around himself briefly trying to hold in some warmth from the car. It was chilly this morning. The sun was just about to rise, and a cool breeze was coming up from the sea, as well as the winter blast of air that made for a biting contrast.

Another officer led Colin and Brad to the well. They went around from the back way as to not spoil the boot marks they saw in the crust of snow.

Ryan was already there with a flashlight shining it down the well. Colin took a peek carefully inside. At first all he could see was only some dark bundle but when his eyes adjusted to the dim beam of flashlight reflecting off the shallow walls. He could make out a black pair of boots and then legs and a glittery top. Long blond hair covered the face but they new what Amber wore that night so they were pretty much convinced that it was her. Colin shut his eyes. `Another wasted life.’ he thought.

Pulling back from the morbid scene in front of him, Colin thought it would be a good idea to take a look around the place. Colin walked carefully beside the foot prints that led them to the stolen car. Ryan was following several paces behind him but they reached the stolen car about the same time. Ryan was morose at the fact he had to relinquish half of his power to Colin when he knew that he could solve this crime on his own. It seemed if Colin always had to have a hand, and most likely the upper one in all the major cases that the town had anymore. It made Ryan more than a little disgruntled. But he knew how to be a professional and so he just told himself to stick to the job. That’s all this was to him now.

After a cursory glance, Ryan could see that the door was unlocked and after Ryan shown the light all throughout the interior, he opened the door. He and Colin leaned in at the same time. Colin almost felt the brush of Ryan’s cold cheek against his own and got shivers coursed his body. He wasn’t entirely sure it was from the winter atmosphere. He heard Ryan’s hitch in his breathing. He quickly jumped up and back distancing himself.

"You go ahead first." He said with a quiet, strained voice and gave way.

Ryan didn't even look at Colin but dove inside the car. Colin shook his head putting a hand on his forehead and cheek trying to cool some of the heat that had instantly flushed his face and focused trying to forget how good it felt to be so near him. ‘I have to get over him; I have to get over him.’ He repeated in his mind.

"it seems like there's nothing out of the ordinary that doesn't belong here. We should take fingerprints and fiber samples back to the department for further analysis." The tall deputy ordered.

After Ryan got out of the car, Colin reached out his hand and asked for the flashlight. Ryan gave him a pained look and handed it over. Colin went inside, carefully letting his senses take over. He looked on the floor on the driver’s side. Just a few small rocks there and a frozen water puddle. He checked the steering wheel, the mirrors, the doorknob but nothing special he could pick up with the naked eye. He backed out of the car and let towing service prepare the car to be transferred to the department.

After the ambulance arrived to remove the body and a thorough search of the premises, everyone drove back to the department. Esten had made them hot coffee as they gathered in the conference room. He handed a report to Colin when he walked past the front desk.

Colin opened the light brown envelope and withdrew a plain white sheet. The report wasn't long but gave the answer Colin was looking for. He made his way down the hall to the conference room where everyone else had gathered and got settled to get their briefing.

"We can be pretty sure that the girl in the well was the missing Amber." Ryan started "We can confirm that when the body is removed and sent to the coroner’s. We have to wait for the report to find out if there was any sexual abuse involved and what was the cause of death."

"Over dose or drying up." Colin interrupted.

"Excuse me?" Ryan leaned forward incredulously, his eyes wide open.

"I’m assuming, she probably died through the causes of a drug called ecstasy." Colin continued without caring that Ryan's gaze penetrated him like a hot iron poker.

Colin told the group about his discussion with Emily Merton and the results of the lab on the remaining pills in Emily’s possession. The others were staring the man curiously. How could he be this big of a step ahead? They all hung on his every word. Only Ryan looked back at him angry, seething, and ready to explode.

He stood up abruptly, pushing his chair back scraping the wooden floor with a loud noise that drew attention back to him. "OK, maybe you can lead this meeting then." he said with an edge to his voice and left the room.

Colin new he made a mistake as he passively watched the figure leave the room. He knew he should have talked to Ryan first, but how can you talk to someone who is like a brick wall and only gave answers that even made the sun frozen. Colin looked nervously at the others and shakily told them that he had no further information for now and left the room too. Chief Carey walked out of the room and quickly came up behind him and grasped his sleeve.

"What ever is between you and Stiles, I want it sorted…now! I thought you two were getting along good? What happened?" Drew didn’t leave any options for trying to get out of the situation. He had Colin pinned and he demanded answers.

Colin didn't feel like opening up to the chief about his personal matters now. He really just wanted to go back to his office and let things blow over. He could see the vein in Drew’s neck begin to bulge, so he just sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I don’t know, sir." He said, defeated.

"Let's do it now then!" Drew led a very reluctant Colin to Deputy Stiles' door and opened it and pushed Colin inside. Ryan was standing at the window his hands balled tightly into fists. He was breathing hard and staring at nothing in particular outside the glass. He turned to see Colin bodily forced into the room and Drew blocking the door. Colin’s face looked panicked and Ryan grit his teeth.

"Now you two clear the air!" Carey said and closed the door. You could literally cut the silence with a knife.

Colin was left to stand in the middle of the floor and he bit at his lower lip nervously. Ryan sat down behind the desk averting his eyes. He now refused to look at him. He certainly wasn’t going to be the one to speak first.

"I don’t hear anyone speaking…!" Carey’s voice sounded through the door.

Colin went closer to Ryan's desk. His hands were shaking slightly, and he twisted his fingers to still them. He shouldn’t be this nervous around Ryan. But for some odd, unexplainable reason, he was.

"I tried to get you to take me over to the victim’s friend... Emily's house, but you didn't want to come. I searched for you yesterday when I came back, but you had already left." Colin explained himself quietly to an equally silent man in front of him. After a few moments Ryan turned his emerald green eyes, with just a hint of sadness in them, to rest on Colin’s beseeching face.

"I don't care. You can take over. Do what you want to do." Ryan said finally with a calm, slow voice.

"Ryan..."

"I don't want to work with you Detective Mochrie. I don’t want this case." He stood up once again as if he couldn’t stand to breathe the same air for too long, he grabbed his jacket and left the room.

Colin was left standing there. Alone. He waited there for a bit thinking that Chief Carey would come in the room but he didn't. Colin was just leaving when he noticed something on the floor. It was a black wallet that had fell wide open and few papers had dropped out from inside. Colin picked it up. It was Ryan's. Colin recognized his police identification card. He ran a gentle thumb over the picture smiling inwardly at the smug features of the Deputy whose small smile tugged lightly at the corner of his mouth in the direction of the photographer.

Colin picked the papers up and noticed that one was a photo of Colin's. It was from his album and he was standing there as a newly graduated officer. ‘Where did Ryan find this?’ Colin wondered his hand trembling on the picture as a warm feeling of love washed over him. He must have found it in his house. He blinked back tears.

The other bit of paper was a flying ticket. Colin couldn't hold back his curiosity as he took a peek at it. It was for the second of January and the destination was Mangrove Cay.

Colin shut the door to Ryan’s office behind him and leaned his back against it. He felt as if his legs would give out at the knees and he sagged heavily, slumping to the ground, sitting hard on the floor. A deep, ragged sigh escaped from his mouth. He stared at the wall in front of him trying to make sense of it all. Ryan would've followed him to the island. Colin saw the tickets, he did intend to go, maybe, but Colin remembered what Brad had told him about Ryan being ordered back to work right after New Year’s. Colin didn't know what to think.

And then there was Denny. Colin just couldn't accept that Ryan had cheated on him with her. Thinking of that still made him very angry. He pounded the tiled floor with his balled fists. "Screw you Ryan! I don’t need you or your hang-ups." He rubbed furiously at his eyes that had begun to sting, new tears burning them.

After the feeling started coming back to his numbed legs, Colin stood up and dried his tears on his sleeve. "I'm like some sappy teenage girl with boyfriend problems." Colin thought morosely as he thumped his head once against the cold plaster wall.

Colin decided to find Brad and ask if he would join him for lunch. Brad was always so good natured and entertaining. He was someone that Colin could talk to about the case without getting yelled at or mocked.

Colin smoothed the wrinkles out of his suit and headed down the corridor. Chief Carey fell into step beside him.

"Did you sort it out?" He asked first.

"Yeah, kind of..."Colin dropped his head studying his shoes as he walked. He didn't like to lie to Drew.

"Good! Now let me introduce you to someone. We just hired him to fill the other position that was open. They stopped in front of another door. This is his new office." Chief said and motioned Colin into the room. Chief Carey rapped on the door before throwing it open with his usual "take no prisoners" flair.

Colin stepped silently inside the office behind Drew who had led the way in seeing nothing but the back of a man with a medium tall build. When Drew barged in he turned around and gave his visitors a wide, slightly cheesy smile. A flop of hair fell onto his forehead and he hastily brushed it away out of habit. He easily looked like he could have jumped right off a ‘40s dime store novel. He wore a holster high at his shoulder blade and he put his hands on his hips quickly assessing the men in front of him.

"Detective Mochrie, this is the newest member of the department, Detective Sean Mastersson. He is specialized in Crime Scene Investigation and has expertise in many specific areas in the field of Forensic Science." Chief Carey said briefly introducing them.

Colin step forward shook the man's hand. He was about same height but younger. He had a few tell-tale signs of job related stress but Colin could see that the hard lines meant deep concentration and concern. In his sharp grey-blue eyes Colin saw a trustful and wise decision maker.

"Welcome here on my behalf. I am new to the department as well." Colin said as he shook Sean's hand. Colin noticed the man had a sure grip and he looked Colin levelly in the eye as he spoke. Chief Carey announced that it was time to go to lunch as he clapped Sean soundly on the shoulder.

They all three went to lunch at the diner. Colin learned that Sean had just moved into town because of the job offering. His former office underwent a major sweeping and he was one of the unfortunate ones that made it on the downsizing list. He saw a position announcement on the internet and went for it. Colin sat back in his chair and observed the younger man as he spoke. He spoke confidently and surely and didn’t let what he termed a ‘minor setback’ ruin his day. Colin smiled and thought that they could get along well.

When they made it back to the office, Colin checked to see if there was any new information on the Maile case. He learned that the body, now confirmed, to be Amber's was still in deep freeze and the coroner couldn't tell exact time and cause of death at the moment.

Ryan came into Colin’s office with Brad bringing up the rear. He looked as if he just wanted to state his business and get gone, as usual, but his eyes lingered on Colin’s face just a little longer than he wanted to. He saw the files and paperwork in neat little stacks on Colin’s desk and he watched as Colin, blushing under the heat of Ryan’s gaze, shuffled some papers again and looked anywhere but him.

Ryan had learned the same information Colin had just found out and ordered a few officers to go and tell the bad news to Amber’s parents. He looked at Officer Sherwood and told him that he should go over to act as liaison.

"I'm going to tell the news to Emily Merton and her family before she reads about it in the paper, if that’s ok?" Colin more announced than asked as he stood up and darted his eyes in Ryan’s direction. He was thankful that Brad was in the same room with them. For some reason he didn’t want to see Ryan until he sorted some things out. He was so torn at the moment.

"You do that." Ryan said softly, very aware of Colin’s agitated state, and he looked away from him after lingering a second longer. He kept his body rigid and aloof as he turned once more on his heel and left the room.

"I can drop you there on my way." Brad offered, a confused frown marking his features.

As they drove over to the neighborhood where the victim’s family lived, Brad couldn't help being curious.

"Things are that bad with you two, huh?"

"Well, yes. He doesn't talk to me and when he does he just yells or barely looks at me. To look at it you’d think I was the one who cheated on HIM!" Colin worried his hands, in his usual habit and stared out the window at the mounds of fallen snow and how beautiful everything was in the daylight. It was too pretty of a day to be on the mission he was. It was too pretty of a day to be feeling the way he did.

"I don't know why he is acting this way but, Colin there is something wrong with him, I've never seen him this way. He is so angry at you." Brad tried to be supportive to Colin as he took his eyes from the road and gave him a sympathetic look.

"I know and maybe I can't blame him. I left him that night and disappeared without telling anyone. You think he is ever going to forgive me?" Colin asked the younger officer.

"I really don't know, but I hope so for the general peace of the department." Brad laughed joyfully. "You both are starting to give me grey hair, and I can’t afford to lose my boyish good looks." Colin looked at Brad sideways and shook his head, with a laugh. Brad took mock offense and stuck out his bottom lip. The drive continued on in companionable silence.

Colin turned his head back to the window and thought about the situation. Something had to be done for sure. His job and this case would soon suffer from this lack of cooperation between them. He just didn't know what to do.
--------

Brad dropped Colin off in front of the Merton home. He asked if Colin needed him to come back by, but Colin politely refused, and said he would see him in the morning. As he went up the stairs to the house, a man opened the door. He introduced himself as Paul Merton, attorney of criminal law. Colin asked if he could see Mrs. Quentin as well, and when she came to the door he told them the news. Caroline turned and asked Emily to come down and join them. Colin told her how it was, that her friend had been found. Emily screamed and ran back to her room and Colin couldn't do anything else than trust to the parents to take care of her. Since her mother was a therapist Colin knew that she was in good hands.

Colin said goodbyes and walked away. There wasn't more than a 20 minute walk back to his house and he felt he needed the fresh air now.

When Colin got home he sat down in the living room on his comfortable couch and let the thoughts flow. He learned today that Ryan was going to come after him after all. Colin wasn't sure what he felt. He really wanted to talk to Denny and ask what happened between her and Ryan but she was still on vacation.

Cheating was something that Colin couldn't stand even though he was adult enough to know that Ryan would just have done it for the sex that night. But he just couldn’t and wouldn’t accept the fact that Ryan did that to spite him and he felt that it was the biggest insult he knew and he didn't see any possibilities to get back with him and for all he knew, Ryan didn't want that either. He scrubbed his hands over his eyes and leaned back against the soft cushions allowing himself to rest his eyes if only for a moment.

But God how he missed his touch

Colin was tired. He drug himself to work and went straight to his office. He didn't get near enough sleep the night before. Things wandered all around his head and he just couldn't puzzle piece them together. And he was supposed to be an expert in that field. How come he could sort out everyone else’s problems but his own? He was drinking the second cup of his coffee when Brad stuck his head inside the office. He gave Colin a concerned look, before shooting him a dopey grin.

"HEY…You look like shit! Anywhoo…Morning meeting! We have the coroner's reports now."

Colin groaned and stood up. He approached Brad who still stood cheerfully by the door. The man let him pass and Brad put a comforting, supportive hand on his shoulder. "We really gotta get you laid." He said with a serious voice. His eyes danced merrily as Colin gave him a withering look.

They headed to the conference room where other officers had already been gathering and chatting. Officer Siegel was back from vacation too. Colin felt his stomach do a wrenching flip as he saw her walk over and take a seat next to Ryan. Ryan leaned back in his chair, his face neutral. Colin watched as she handed him a styrofoam cup of coffee and he accepted it. He walked over to an empty seat at the other end of the table and sat down beside Chip and closed his eyes.

Chief Carey had been pacing, waiting for everyone to arrive and settle. When he saw that Colin was the last he went over to the door, closed it and began to talk.

"OK the boys have been busy last night and we have the autopsy results here." Carey said without introduction and started to read the report.

"Amber Maile, age 17. Autopsy report indicates a small fracture to the skull, probably caused when she hit the frozen water in the well. No signs of intercourse forced or otherwise. Some bruising on wrists and face. Time of death not confirmed but probably around New Year's Eve. Drug called MDMA found in her system. Not enough in her system for an overdose by itself but enough to cause serious damage elsewhere. Her kidneys had something unidentified as of yet, the toxicology reports are still due to come in. Body was in the beginning state of decomposition due to the extreme temperature and was frozen and dried out to the touch when discovered." Chief Carey ended the synopsis and thumped the paper on the table.

"Looks like Detective Mochrie gave an accurate account of the events leading up to her demise. Detective Masterson you are specialized on the drug in question, can you tell us briefly about this MDMA?" Carey asked the new officer.

Sean Masterson stood up and cleared his throat. "Why thank you, Chief Carey, gentlemen… ladies." he said giving Officer Siegel a long look. He began to speak after casually walking to the podium his eyes trailing each member of the department as if remembering their faces to the finest detail. He paused on Brad and smiled before beginning.

"MDMA is also known as Adam, beans, loves drug and the most famous name is ecstasy. It causes severe mood changes, aggression, sexual activity, sleep, and sensitivity to pain in its psychological effects. Physical effects are in high doses, body’s ability to regulate temperature. On rare but unpredictable occasions, this can lead to a sharp increase in body temperature -hyperthermia, resulting in liver, kidney, and cardiovascular system failure, and death.

Kids these days use it to get more energy to stay up all night. It's also called the party drug. It carries the same risks that cocaine and amphetamines so it's very dangerous drug. Sometimes side effects may start exhibiting after weeks of using it. For me this case sounds pretty clean cut...she took a pill or pills didn't drink any water and her system failed." Sean ended his report and went back to his chair.

Colin watched the detective with appraising eyes. He looked to be in his forties, and a strong, solid man. He liked to use his hands when he spoke, often gesturing and waving them about. It wasn’t distracting and Colin liked the fact that the man knew what he was talking about. He seemed to be dedicated to his job. Colin couldn't wait until he could talk with the man about the case in more detail.

"Thank you detective," Carey said from his seat. He motioned to Ryan, who stood to take Sean’s place. "Stiles, you got plans on how we proceed?"

"Yes chief, I've been thinking about how we wrap up this case. It's not maybe a murder, more like involuntary manslaughter at this point but someone is responsible for dealing the drugs and we should find out whom. We need to case the school and monitor the parties around town. We have to search how common this drug use is among our youths here. We should give out information to the parents advising them to contact us if they've been noticing something unusual in their kids’ behavior. Detective Masterson, I need you to search the car thoroughly from top to bottom, and bring the results of your discoveries in detail that might help us."

"Sounds like a good plan to me, Colin?" Carey looked to Colin who had been half-listening to Ryan’s report as he watched Siegel from the corner of his eye.

Colin rose, deftly and stayed in his spot to give his summary. He briefly glanced at Ryan who resumed his seat, sitting with a small sigh. He locked eyes with him if for only a moment and then it was lost again. Colin spoke softly at first.

"I think the death of Amber Maile was an accident and the dealer hid her body to cover his tracks. He must have known about and perhaps is even from this town because he found the well and knew it wasn't going to be in use until the summer. But he is also an amateur by leaving the stolen car on the property. He knew enough to steal one. Did he have orders from higher ups? We don't know. So investigating the car is a good start in my opinion." He smiled at Sean who nodded, pleased, in Colin’s direction.

After a few more announcements and answered questions about the case, Drew ended the meeting. On their way out of the room, Colin grabbed Sean's sleeve and asked if he could go and explore the car with him. Sean had no problems with it, and even welcomed Colin’s assistance. The vehicle was towed and stored in the department’s large evidence garage earlier that morning. They agreed to head over there in the next 15 minutes.

Colin had time for another cup of coffee before heading that way. He still had not shaken off the tired feeling and he yawned as he waited in line behind Drew near the department's coffee machine. He watched as Drew filled his cup and fiddled with a sugar packet and stirred it into his coffee. Apparently he didn't notice Colin standing behind him because as Drew spun around with his cup he almost collided head first into him.

Colin's instincts kicked in as he stepped back barely avoiding the slosh of hot coffee that would have surely soaked his shirt. Colin crashed hard against something soft that gave way feeling large familiar hands grasp his shoulders steadying him before he fell down. Thumbs brushed the material of Colin’s jacket briefly feeling Colin’s body heat through the thinness. He felt the rapid heartbeat of the other person’s chest and took note of how it increased further as Colin’s legs turned to rubber when he tried to gain his bearings and move away. Colin knew without looking, who was there. He could have sworn he heard the tiniest of whimpers. He didn’t know if it came from him or from the man behind him. Air escaped from his lungs at the sudden nearness of Ryan. Ryan held him until Colin found his balance.

"Oh I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Colin said quickly before the other man got a chance to yell at him or turn to stone again. He turned putting his hands up in submission, his eyes desperate, fearful, hoping that Ryan would be calm.

"No Colin…you didn't hurt me at all." Ryan said with a sad anger in his eyes, his voice tinged with regret and something more. He looked at Colin waiting for him to say something anything, his own mouth forming words. He shut it tight and pushed passed him to the coffee machine.

Colin's heart broke. Drew was witnessing the whole situation. He stood there staring at both of his subordinates, questions in his eyes. Colin moved away first and headed back to his office. Drew followed right behind.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on between you two Colin?"

"No, I can't tell you anything, I just...I promise that it won't affect to my work here." Colin promised hanging his head low.

Chief Carey didn't ask him anything more. He could see that Colin was becoming distressed. He looked at the man with a slight hint of pity and left the room. Colin wheezed a small sob escaping his lips and shakily sank down into his desk chair. He put his face in his hands and tried desperately to get a grip on the situation. What was the matter with him? Despite what he said he, he knew it was starting to affect him. He felt Ryan’s hands, hot and inviting, his fingertips gripping his shoulders, and he could still feel ghost traces of them there now. He ached for more. How could Ryan be so cold, so unforgiving? He needed him. He just didn’t know how much until it was right there in front of his face. He sighed again at the hopelessness that threatened to take over. He needed another moment alone before going back out to face the world.

After 15 minutes Colin headed to the garage. Sean was already there wearing dark blue overalls and latex gloves.

"I’m ready to start." He said and lowered a pair of plastic forensic eye goggles over his eyes.

Sean did an excellent job. He searched inch by inch of the vehicle for any fibers that he could find. Colin helped by keeping the evidence bags open and then labeling them as each new piece was found. Sean took out a special kit and dusted for fingerprints all over the dashboard and steering column and by the wires where the car appeared to be manually started. The car was old and anybody could open the doors easily, but knowing what wires to combine to start it up needed more experience.

"Found one!" Sean rose from the car and stretched his hand to Colin.

Colin handed him the fingerprint extractor. Sean stuck it against the lower panel next to the wires. The fingerprint transferred easily to the invisible plastic and they both could see it. It was better than a partial print. They had more than they needed to work with. Colin took it immediately inside and told Esten to send it to the lab and run it through the database. They already had the car owner's prints so they could fast get results if it was his after all. He put a quick note on the paperwork to compare the prints to the ones lifted from the container that held the ecstasy pills.

After making sure that everything was understood, he went back to the garage where Sean was still searching the vehicle.

"I think that was the most we could extract from the vehicle’s interior. I also recovered some strands of long blonde hair that I'm pretty sure will match Amber's." Sean said while taking off the gloves and glasses.

They went back inside to give the results of their observations to Chief Carey.

"Good, now we have something to start with. Sherwood and Stiles went down to the high school to talk to the principal about the situation."

They all re-gathered in the conference room around three pm. By then Ryan and Brad had arrived back from the high school and the lab had sent their findings on the lifted fingerprint so they decided to touch base for a follow up.

"The school is aware of the situation now. They will keep their eyes open. Detective Masterson, I spoke with the principal about you going to an assembly with the students and speak with them about the dangers of ecstasy next week, if that's ok for you?" Ryan began the briefing.

"I can do that." Sean confirmed with a nod.

"We have a fingerprint that didn't match either the owner of the car or Amber so we believe it belongs to the driver who had taken the car that night. Apparently he used gloves which are not rare in this time of year, but he must have taken them off while connecting the wires that started the car. The print did not register on the database though. It's been confirmed by DNA analysis of the hair strands that Amber Maile was in that vehicle so we now can piece together what must have happened by the well." Colin informed the others after he had studied the lab reports delivered to him earlier. Masterson nodded his head confirming Colin’s report.

"Ok, it looks like everything is coming together nicely. Now I want to know where all the local raves are during the weekend. Anyone have ideas?" Drew asked.

"I can ask Emily." Colin volunteered.

"Ok, that’s a go. So that's it for today, thank you all for your hard work and see you tomorrow morning." Chief Carey ended the meeting, standing up and heading for the door. Ryan got up quickly and followed closely behind Drew. Colin briefly glanced in his direction as two other sets of eyes watched him from the table.

Colin sighed, got up and put a hand on Sean’s shoulder. "Nice work, Detective."

Masterson nodded. "The same, detective." Brad studied both men and watched as Colin left the room, his shoulders slumped slightly.

Colin went to his office, shutting his door and crossing over to his desk, dropped his files on it and reached for the phone. He dialed Emily's number. Her mother answered and told Colin that Emily was not at school that day was still quite upset over Amber’s death but promised to ask her if she had any flyers for upcoming parties or if she had heard of anything. Colin wished them well and hung up the phone. He sighed tiredly. Time to go home.

Colin stood up and ran a hand over his brow and took his jacket from the door hook, shutting out the light and locking his door. He turned around and ran straight into Brad Sherwood.

"Hey! Col buddy, going home already? You wanna grab a bite somewhere? Colin studied Brad’s face for a moment putting a finger to his chin and making Brad grin nervously back at him. They both started laughing at the same time.

"Sure I’ll go. I’ll even let you pay." Colin said loud enough for the opened door of a semi-lit office with its lone occupant as Brad put an arm around his shoulder issuing him towards the front.

The dinner was nice. Brad was a welcomed relief to Colin’s daily stress and he felt like he could relax around the man. They talked they drank and as Colin sat in his living room later glancing at what was on the TV, he realized Brad was just what he needed to get his mind off of other things for a while. Flipping through the stations, nothing interested him so he decided to go bed early and since previous night's sleep was so little, he didn't need much time before he was in dreamland.


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Colin was walking into the department when his phone went off. He quickly rushed to his office and grabbed the receiver.

"Detective Mochrie speaking."

"Hey it's Emily…" A careful voice started.

"Oh Emily…I’m so glad you called back." Colin’s smooth, calming tones came naturally, knowing that he needed to reassure the person speaking on the other end of the line.

He could tell the tension relaxed a little from Emily’s voice as she told him that she was at school today and her friends asked her to go to a rave party on Saturday at the same old school where Amber disappeared. Colin asked her how she was feeling about things, and she told him that she was a little better and that her mom made her go to school so that she could talk to her classmates. She said her mom told her there was strength in numbers. Colin told her that her mom was very wise woman and then thanked Emily for her help.

Colin hung up the phone and marched across the hall to Ryan’s office and tapped once before letting himself in. Ryan was already behind the desk, reading the paper. He looked up as Colin rushed inside, and was taken aback by his harried look.

"There is going to be rave party at the old school on Saturday." Colin blurted out.

Colin stood in front of Ryan's desk. He studied Ryan’s eyes as the taller man tried to process what was thrown at him without time to understand what Colin was getting at. Suddenly it felt as though he was glued to the spot by Ryan’s eyes. He remembered how Ryan's hands had felt on his shoulders the day before and it made him shiver slightly again. He couldn't move and waited for Ryan to release him. Why did he come here first? It was torture for Colin as he watched the emotions play over Ryan’s face as well, trying to figure out how to respond to the man in front of him.

"What do you want?" Ryan asked nervously.

"I…" Colin started and stopped. He couldn't answer right away. He just opened and shut his mouth couple of times. Ryan looked away as if to dismiss him and Colin finally lost his careful control. He built his strength and fed on the anger that welled up from him.

"I want nothing from you, ABSOLUTELY nothing!! But because of work…this work...we are SUPPOSED to act like responsible adults and be responsible for people’s lives and you are slowing things down with your bastard attitude!" Colin half yelled, half hissed at Ryan. His pale features grew red and his eyes flashed. He balled his fists tightly and dared Ryan to respond.

Ryan straightened, standing up to his full height. He was pissed. He was tired of this run around shit and he wasn’t going to put up with it much longer. He slammed his fist to the desk rounding it and coming inches from Colin’s face.

"Maybe I just don't want to be anywhere near you! MAYBE YOU CAN LEAVE AGAIN! Why don’t you just run away again Colin…that seems to be what you do when the going gets rough. Go on get the hell out of here and leave me alone!" Ryan couldn't restrain himself anymore.

"You fucking bastard…" Colin said coldly, his breath hitching in his chest, his heart racing inside. He couldn’t stop the tremble or warble in his voice as he knew it was finally over between them. Something snapped. You fucking cheated ON ME, you COWARD!" Colin threw all his accusations in Ryan’s face and Ryan staggered against his desk. Colin grabbed his uniform's front.

Ryan took Colin's hands and tried to pry them off but Colin tightened his grip. Tears started to swim in Ryan’s eyes as Colin’s feelings came from his soul.

"You’re a fucking liar and an asshole Ryan Stiles! I did SO much for you! I gave SO much to you and this is what you do to me! You NEVER CHANGE…you BASTARD!" Colin repeated not realizing that his voice became high-pitched and that he was near hysterics as he shook Ryan crying until he was breathless and gave up pressing his head against Ryan's warm chest.

He was still murmuring, soaking Ryan’s shirt with his bitter tears. Ryan loosened his hold on Colin’s hands and slid his around Colin’s back. He held him even when he had long since lost the right to and brushed his nose along the remaining strands of Colin’s hair at the top of his head, breathing Colin in. His heart calmed its angry beating within the walls of his chest and they stood there for a long moment until Colin composed himself. When Colin finally lifted his head back up he looked at Ryan with eyes that held no feeling, he was hollow inside. He took a step back from Ryan and smoothed the wrinkles out of his shirt. Ryan felt a deep tremor of fear and loss as Colin spoke.

"I will never forgive you." Colin said. He turned around leaving the stunned man in the middle of the room and then he was gone.

-------------------------------

The rest of the day was hell for Colin. He couldn't get the morning's meltdown out of his system. How could he have lost control that way? He had nothing to do for the moment, so nothing distracted his thoughts. He still felt Ryan's arms where they had caressed his back burning into his heated skin. He dropped his head into his palms. ‘It was mistake to stay here.' he thought.

Ryan told him to move away. Ryan didn't want him anymore. How could things change so quickly? It wasn't long ago when they were happy and they were a couple. How did things suddenly fall apart? Colin knew that he couldn’t stay here thinking about all of this, when nothing seemed like it mattered. He couldn’t do anything more about it. He pulled himself together stood up and went into the hallway.

"I was just coming to get you." Brad said as he rounded the corner and approached the burden-wearied detective.

"Ok, anything new?" Colin said with a sigh, scolding himself inwardly to shake it off for the sake of the other officer’s morale.

"Yes, Deputy Stiles went to the chief’s office and told him your revelations. He decided we will stake out the school tomorrow. You and Officer Siegel will observe in one car and me and Stiles will be on the other side of the building."

Uh…Can we change that? I think I can manage the stake out on my own." Colin tried. He did not want to spend any amount of time with Officer Denny Siegel.

"NO!" A familiar voice interrupted their conversation.

Colin didn't look at the new comer. But he felt him...the ghosts of handprints started to burn against his back again.

"Fine," He agreed reluctantly, "When do we meet here tomorrow?" He looked beseechingly to Brad. He just wanted to get away before he was required to talk anymore. His throat was closing up again.

"If we meet here by seven p.m., we can get there early enough before the party gets going. Brad answered, his eyes darting above and below, between the two. He pursed his lips and noticed the change in Colin’s demeanor.

"Will do. I’ll be there but I gotta go now. Call me if something comes up." Colin said walking away without looking back, all the while feeling the penetrating stare of a pair of green eyes at his back.

Saturday passed quickly into evening. Colin had confirmed with Brad that they were on task for the stake out. Colin chose warm comfortable clothes to sit in the squad car possibly for hours. He was calmer since the day before because he was relieved he could finally say the things he needed to say to Ryan but he was still uneasy because he had to sit in the same car with Denny. He couldn't think anything to say to her other than battle the huge elephant that would be in the car with them, waiting.

Colin arrived at the department a few minutes before they were scheduled to leave and the others arrived around the same time. Brad showed them a sketchy map of the layout of the building.

"I think you and Officer Siegel should be here in a car. You can see both sides of the building. And Ryan and me are here." Brad said and pointed at a place at the rear entrance to the school. "We can keep in contact with the walkie-talkies." Ryan added giving one to Denny and one to Colin.

They split into two cars. Both were civilian cars without any tell-tale signs of a police vehicle. Denny sat behind the wheel following slowly behind the lead car of Ryan and Brad.

In ten minutes they were at the location. There were already several cars gathered in the parking lot and teens were everywhere. Denny pulled their vehicle slowly around to the place where Brad had showed them.

"10-97" Denny said in the walkie.

"10-97 in a minute." Brad said back.

After they were sitting there for over half an hour and nothing out of the ordinary had happened, Denny broke the silence.

"Thank you for the party by the way. Haven't seen you around much after that. It was very nice of you to invite all us lonely single people together."

"You’re welcome; I hope you had wonderful time." Colin answered his words tinged with sarcasm.

"I did. I hadn't been out for a long, long time before that, so it was quite nice. Denny said smiling at Colin in the darkness. Colin studied her briefly before turning his attention back to the building. His own morose thoughts of the evening’s events were tumbling through his head.

"10-35." Brad's voice interrupted from the speaker.

"Nothing new here." Denny replied back.

Colin had a question on his mind but he couldn't say it out loud. He tried to figure out some other ways to ask it. He thought for so long that Denny started the conversation again.

"But now I remember that I didn't even see you at the party much."

"Yeah I got a terrible headache so I drop off for most of the party time. But hey, I heard you had lots of fun with Deputy Stiles, didn't you?" Colin got his chance and tried to sound as unconcerned and nonchalant about what happened that night as much as he could. Inside it was still ripping him apart.

"Well, we flirted but honestly, that’s as far as it went. We didn't even kiss." Denny said disheartened. She picked at the steering column, flicking her eyes from Colin to the lights coming from the school.

"Huh? That’s odd. What happened? I thought for sure I saw some kissing there?" Colin prodded nervously.

"No." Denny looked at him sharply. "I mean it’s not like I didn’t try. Actually, he just brushed my cheek and neck but that's about it." Denny folded her arms across her chest, more than disappointed.

Colin didn't understand anything. "But I heard you both left the bar together?"

"Yeah, we did, that’s where I get all hazy on the subject. He dragged me outside with such a passion I was like ‘wow, I'm gonna get some’ but when we got to his home he seemed to have changed his mind. He tried to kiss me, but he got all shy and it just turned to an awkward hug. I was like "Hey are you a virgin?" That's when he got angry and just left me standing there. He ran up his stairs and slammed his apartment’s door so hard I swear the windows rattled in every apartment down the block."

Colin sat in his seat, shocked letting her words sink in. He sat quietly and couldn't believe what he just heard.

"Am I that repulsive or does that man have issues, if you know what I'm saying?" Denny commented and Colin could hear the suggestive tone of her voice.

"I...I ...well I'm not sure. Maybe he was just that drunk that he couldn't...you know...I don't think it was you." Colin said smiling inwardly as he tried to make an excuse for Denny while he felt that his evening was just lightening up.

"We have 10-66 here." Brad's voice intruded into the vehicle. "suspect is a tallish, white male, black leather jacket, blue and white stripes in his stocking cap. He is near us now."

"10-4. we are coming around both sides of the building."

Colin and Denny left the vehicle. Colin went stealthily to the right side of the building while motioning for Officer Siegel to take the opposite direction. After the corner Colin saw the suspect. A girl was talking over to him and Colin watched as the man in question handed something to her. Colin snapped open the holder and clicked the safety off his gun and started to approach.

"FREEZE…Don’t move. Slowly raise your hands, both of you. Colin yelled. The suspect seeing Colin walking towards him panicked, turned around and started to run the other way.

He didn’t get far as he ran into Deputy Stiles. Ryan grabbed him taking a strong hold of him and forced him to the ground. He took handcuffs from his belt and locked them behind the suspect’s back. In the meantime, Colin blocked the girl who had been trying to make an escape while the others were distracted. He grabbed her wrist and pushed her to the wall of the building. She struggled with him a little and he pinned her shoulders back looking fiercely at her in the darkness.

"Let me go! LET ME GO!!" She shouted in his face.

"He gave you something! What was it!? Please hand it to me, slowly." Colin said still easily pinning the defiant girl. "Stop struggling you’re making this harder than it needs to be." Colin’s voice had become low, deep, and commanding.

The girl sighed and looked at Colin pointedly shaking her arms free from him as she reached into her pocket and took out a birth control pill dispenser. "It's just my BC's. He’s my boyfriend and I was showing him that I really am on the pill."

"You really shouldn't say things you might regret later. You’re coming with us to the station." Colin said handcuffing the girl as well.

They all went back to their respective cars and drove to the department. They settled that Ryan and Brad would question the man and Colin and Denny the girl.

Colin led the girl to sit behind the desk in interrogation room one. He took off the handcuffs and the girl rubbed her wrists.

"I want a lawyer! I want my phone call!" The girl whined.

"You've been watching too many cop shows. That’s not how it goes in here, you know?" Denny said.

"I didn’t do anything! He’s my boyfriend!" The girl still tried, some tears making her thick mascara run down her cheeks.

"And you’re telling me that if I send those pills to the lab, they won’t find any traces of ecstasy? You can be sent to jail because of that you know." Colin got straight to the point speaking sharply to her. "A pretty, young girl like you, I’d hate to think that’s where you’d end up protecting that jerk in the other room."

The girl looked at Colin dropping her false sense of defiance, the fear now in her eyes and started to genuinely weep silently.

Colin's voice softened as she asked the girl her name and age. It appeared that she was only 16 so they couldn't continue the interrogation. They called her parents and asked them to come down to the station. Colin wanted to check the situation in the other room and left Denny to stay with her until her parents arrived.

He went to the next interrogation room's observation booth. He could see and hear Ryan asking questions from the assumed dealer. Colin went nearer to the two-way mirror. He noted Ryan’s body language. Ryan was calm but his eyes were blazing angrily.

"Don’t you understand what it is that you do? Ecstasy is a dangerous narcotic and you have killed at least one person already! Don't you use that so-called brain to think at all?"

At that moment Ryan lifted his eyes from the man to the mirror. He looked straight through to Colin. Colin stared back at him, startled. He was sure that Ryan couldn't see anything, only his own reflection from the mirror. Colin brought his fingertips up to trace Ryan’s outline lingering on his face. After a moment, Ryan forlornly took his gaze from the mirror and went back to the questioning. It was brief but Colin knew he had sensed his presence there.

"Where you get your stuff? Who’s your supplier?" Ryan continued.

Brad took his fingerprints. He then called to Officer Esten who came in and sent them to the lab.

The suspect still refused to talk. Ryan threw questions at him and banged his fist onto the table looking frustrated and tired. Colin watched him and sighed inwardly. He had so many mixed emotions and it was causing him a bittersweet pain to go up and down in his body. Ryan hadn't cheated. Ryan would have flown after him if he hadn’t been called back on duty. Colin rested his head against the glass. He felt the burning sensation of tears behind his eyes. "Oh…Ryan. Why didn’t you just tell me?" He still couldn’t understand why Ryan didn’t save them all this trouble in the first place. His heart longed for the stubborn man in the other room.

Agitated voices in the hallway interrupted Colin’s troubling thoughts and he turned to leave the room. The girl's mother had arrived. Chip led a middle aged woman wearing a fur down the hallway.

"You have my daughter here! She hasn't done anything wrong!" The woman yelled in a high voice.

"Hello I'm Detective Mochrie. We want to ask your daughter a few more questions but we you’re your permission first. Is that OK with you?"

The girl’s mother was nervous and angry becoming more distraught when Colin told her that her daughter was suspected of buying drugs. She tried to deny everything at first but something in Colin's convincing words told her that he may have had a point. She looked at him disbelievingly and demanded to see her daughter.

"Drugs? Where is she?"

Colin led the woman to the interrogation room. The girl looked up from where she had had her head buried in her arms on the worn wooden table. She freaked out when she saw her mother in the doorway.

"Mom, I'm sorry, I just wanted to have fun with friends. I didn't know."

Colin continued to question the girl, who he learned was named Betty, and came to the conclusion that this was the first time she tried to buy drugs or any stimulants.

"We got flyers at school about the party and then a guy from my class said that I can get some fun pills for ten bucks a piece. Me and my friend wanted to try some and the guy told me to find that jerk that you saw me with and get the pills from him. I don't know who he is...I'm sorry I lied..." Betty muttered between tears.

Colin looked at Betty and shook his head. Getting caught buying drugs. This could cause her to get expelled from school and jail time and even worse case scenario inhibiting her from her future career if this goes on her permanent record. He looked from worried mother to depressed teen, with his forefinger pressed firmly to his lip. He decided to give them both one more chance.

"What if we do this?" Colin said after a moment. "You can go home with your mom but only if you promise me that you won’t leave the county. We are going to need you in court to testify against this guy to prove that he is supplying your classmates with the ‘party pills’. It may take a while but we’ll need you on our side. How does this sound to you?" Colin said with a friendly tone.

Betty’s mother nodded silent and grim, and they had an agreement. Colin walked with them out of the department. He went back to the observation booth with Denny to hear how the others progressed. The suspect was leaning back in his seat, a cocky, smug look on his face. Ryan had just about enough of his attitude and he hauled him up by his jacket and brought him eye level, effortlessly. It certainly wiped the smug look off the bastard’s face, but it didn’t stop him from spitting in Ryan’s. Ryan stared coldly back at him slammed him up against the wall. Colin almost rushed over but Denny held him back. Ryan ignored the son of a bitch and wiped the spittle from his cheek.

"We’ll continue questioning this bastard in the morning when his PD gets here." He said to Brad as he took hold of his arm, spinning him around to face the wall. "Meanwhile this worthless asshole can make himself comfortable in one of our nice suites downstairs. Get him the fuck outta here!" Ryan ordered shoving him out of the room.

He put handcuffs back on and gave him over to Brad. "Hope you enjoy your stay at the Grey bar hotel." Brad said as he pushed the man down the hall in front of them. Colin and Denny stepped out of their booth as the men passed and fell into step behind them.

The questioning was over and the time was half past midnight.



"You got anything?" Colin asked coming up behind Ryan, speaking low enough only for him to hear when Brad and the suspect's back disappeared from view. He studied Ryan's profile as they continued to move down the hall in the same direction.

"No, he didn't say anything of importance, but he'll talk when we get the fingerprints back. I think we got the right guy." Ryan said running a hand through his disheveled hair. He needed to get home and shower this night's worth of scum off of him. He still felt the traces of that thug's DNA on his face.

Colin hummed, neither confirming nor disproving Ryan's assumption. He thought about how easy it was to apprehend the dealer/possible murderer. Could this be the right guy though? Why would he go back to the same place where the initial incident occurred? He didn't want to question Ryan about it, because the air between them was fragile, so he stayed quiet. There was the possibility that the suspect could be as dumb as he appeared and had no compulsion for returning to the scene of the crime. They had to wait for the lab results.

Ryan sighed. He knew he wasn't finished yet. He turned toward Colin and Denny. "Look, I gotta stay here a while longer. You both don't have to hang around. Good night and I'll call you as soon as I hear anything new." Ryan said looking at Denny and lingering on Colin's eyes. Colin tried to read his in the brief moments but Ryan's shields were up. The moment was broken when Denny spoke up.

"I can stay too." She immediately suggested.

Colin broke his gaze with Ryan and shot a perturbed glance at Denny then looked beseechingly back to Ryan. He couldn't help but make his eyes silently beg him not to take up the offer. Ryan noted the change in Colin's behavior, but he kept his features neutral. He wanted to reach out, but he stilled his hand. He almost lost himself in Colin's intense brown eyes.

"No, I can do this on my own." He said looking Colin but speaking to her. "You just go, it's late." Colin nodded his head, slightly, understanding.

Denny looked upset and pouted her bottom lip. She started to say something else but turned on her heel and headed outdoors. Colin was thrilled. His heart sang. The gesture was small but to Colin it meant the world. By sending Denny away, Ryan wanted to show him that she wasn't in the picture. The corner of Ryan's mouth turned up ever-so-slightly to see Colin's face light up. Colin was sure Ryan didn't know that he had found out more than what meets the eye to the story between him and Denny. Or so he thought.

Colin took a step towards Ryan and heard his sharp intake of breath. Ryan wanted to yell, to scream, to cry to say anything, but he couldn't bring himself even now to react anyway but his standard short-clipped sentences and held his ground. He was afraid of what Colin would say or do and he hadn't forgotten the events of that morning. He steeled himself as he watched Colin's lip tremble when he spoke. "I'm sorry I lost my control this morning." He said quickly and left the department.

He ran off after Denny catching up with her and asking if she would drive him home. Walking around town past midnight in the freezing cold didn't tempt him at all.

Colin went straight to his bed after reaching his home. He sank into the comfortable mattress shutting his eyes burying himself in the warmth of his covers, feeling happy and relieved. He sighed and his dreams this time were peaceful and he softly smiled as he drifted away.

---------------------

Sunday morning the phone rang at 8 a.m. Colin reached for it on the night stand and answered, yawning.

"HEEEYYY…Mochrie! Sorry for wakin' ya up. We got lab results and BINGO." Chip said into the phone.

"Should I head over?" Colin asked the sleep still in his voice.

"No, no, Deputy Stiles just left for home to take a shower and change clothes. He won't be back for a while and the suspect's lawyer won't be around until ten. Everyone should be here by then and we can start the interviewing again."

Colin thanked Chip and ended the call. He sunk back into his bed thinking why they had to call him already this early. Colin sighed deeply, putting his arms behind his head and stared up at the wooden paneled ceiling. He started to think about the next round of questions for the suspect.

Colin stretched and put his feet down on the cold wooden floor after about another hour of tossing and turning. He rubbed a hand across the tense muscles at the back of his neck. He stood up and ran his hand down his furred chest. Clad only in his briefs, he chuckled to himself. "Like two dragons under a bridge." He padded over to the bathroom and looked at his body in the floor-length mirror. He rubbed his hands over his soft belly, frowning slightly. He stripped his underwear and turned on the hot water to the shower. Stepping in, he allowed the heat and steam from the water to relax his muscles and he closed his eyes, enjoyed the brief few moments of bliss that the shower provided. He thought wistfully of wanting to have someone to share the experience with. He lathered up and watched the soapy trails as he rinsed his body.

After dressing and eating breakfast, Colin headed to the department. The suspect’s lawyer was still at the jail talking to her client so they had a little time to prepare a strategy plan in the conference room before Brad fetched the suspect. They settled that Ryan and Colin would ask the questions. Chief Carey and Brad would listen in.

In the interrogation room Colin took his seat beside an equally showered, shaved and somewhat more refreshed Deputy Ryan Stiles. They sat opposite the suspect and his lawyer, who had both entered and took their seats. The suspect was still cuffed and Brad undid one of the cuffs relocking it to the arm rest of the seat.

"Time is 10:15 a.m." Ryan said beginning the proceedings. Present are Chief Deputy Ryan Stiles, Special Investigator Colin Mochrie, The town’s public defense attorney, Sandy Toksvig representing her client, the suspect, Christopher Fisher." Ryan spoke clearly into the recorder's microphone.

"We can prove that you were in the car that transferred Amber Maile's body to the well where she was found." Ryan started.

The suspect's eyes widened but he still refused to talk.

"You better start talking or you’ll get charged with murder before you even blink." Ryan said threateningly.

The lawyer leaned over to her client and whispered something in his ear.

"I didn’t fuckin’ murder nobody." The young man said lazily.

"So you just happened to be there by accident?"

"I ain’t got nothin’ to say to you fuckin’ cops."

"Where were you on New Year's Eve? I bet you were dealing drugs at the old school and sold those five pills to the dead girl." Ryan bluntly stated his questions.

The silence continued. Colin took his cell phone and called to the chief.

"Hey can you do me a favor? I need a warrant for the arrested suspect...He isn't a minor...yes...to the prison...he is the suspect on a recent murder and also a drug dealer...yes... the name is Christopher Fisher, born in..."

"Wait!" the lawyer stopped Colin from continuing.

Colin covered the receiver "Yes?"

"If Chris tells what happened what can we settle for?" the lawyer asked and held her client’s arm.

"I'll get back to you later." Colin said and ended the call.

They were finally getting somewhere. Chris stated that he was at the old school New Year's Eve and sold pills to a blonde girl. After two hours the girl had come outside only wearing her top and staggered around the school where Chris was still standing. The girl had fallen down in the snow.

Chris checked the girl and recognized her and knew that she had OD’d. The girl died and Chris panicked. He stole a car from the parking lot and transported the body to the well.

Ryan scratched his head. He had stood up walking over to the two-way mirror staring off into space, thinking. Colin watched him from the corner of his eye as Ryan turned and made eye contact. Colin looked back nodding slightly and it was an indication to Ryan to play their cards.

"You will still go to trial, but the charges are going to be reduced to manslaughter not murder for now. The drug dealing is not helping your case any, however, we can have a big influence on the place you will sit the next 15 years of your life. We assume that you got your drugs from somewhere else and we are after bigger fish so you can affect to your destiny now by telling us where you got your supply."

Christopher understood his options and promised to co-operate with the police. He stated that he received them from a pub downtown. He dealt with the suppliers twice a month. He had met them first at the bar where he was begging money for another beer. The owner had pulled him aside and asked if he wanted to make some extra cash and he was interested. Since dropping school Chris was unemployed. He was raised in a house for abandoned youths for seven years after his parents had left him there. He hadn't had many opportunities in life since then and dealing had given him money enough to find a place of his own and established some credibility.

Colin felt sorry for him. They couldn't drop the charges against him. He was involved in a death but if they could convince the judge to send him to open prison he could study there and at least get a somewhat decent profession.

"Christopher Fisher, you are under arrest for the unintentional manslaughter of Amber Maile and the illegal distribution of a narcotic substance for purpose of making a profit. Good luck to you son and thank you for your help, we will keep in touch." Ryan said and once again he put the handcuffs on the young boy's wrists.

Afterwards they gathered in the conference room briefly. Chief Carey said that since it was a Sunday and there was little to do, he would dismiss the group for now and would convene on Monday with concrete ideas and plans on how to proceed. There were several grunts of relieved approval from the people at the table.

Colin looked at Ryan. There were tell-tale signs of dark circles under his eyes and he looked worn. 'He must have been up all night.' Colin thought wanting to touch the man tenderly, but he didn't. He sighed inwardly and walked with Ryan out of the department.

"Do you want a ride home?" Ryan asked softly under his breath, hesitating.

Colin was taken aback by the suddenness of Ryan's question and thought that he was just being polite.

"It's ok, Ryan, I can walk, but thank you." Colin said with equal softness, shyly refusing.

"Fine!" Ryan said shortly and hurried his steps toward his car. Colin could see the pain that instantly welled in his eyes.

"Wait! Ryan!" Colin ran after him.

He didn't want to let Ryan think that he was rejecting him. He stopped Ryan by placing a hand on his elbow, slowing the taller man down and turning him to face him. Ryan's eyes were downcast not wanting to look into Colin's face. The fear of rejection evident.

"It's just…I…I can see that you want to get to bed as soon as possible, you're exhausted, Ry." Colin said noticing the tiny flinch from Ryan at the shortening of his name. It was too soon, Colin realized and tried to cover his error. "Ryan…I just thought you could use the rest and I didn't want to bother you."

"Colin...you don't..."

Colin saw that the tall man was trying to say something from his heart, sharing his deepest feelings, but with great difficulty, and he just waited holding his breath. Ryan closed the space between them. He lifted his hands as if to put them on Colin’s shoulders. Colin leaned in slightly. ‘Just touch me!’ His mind screamed out. He looked pleadingly at Ryan. The man was torturing him.

"Are you sure you want to walk?" Ryan said leaning in further. He was close enough to take tentative sniffs at Colin’s skin, to smell his shampoo and to close his eyes to the sensation. He opened them back and looked at Colin with lust-hungry eyes. "And you’re right…" Ryan said his voice low and gravelly…almost purring. "I just wanna go to bed...care to join?"

An electric shock went through Colin's entire body. He shivered visibly, and felt himself getting harder from those simple words. It seemed like forever since the last time they made love, but Colin could feel the touch of Ryan's long, slender fingers all over his body again. He whimpered, a desperate sound in the back of his throat, his hands rising to reach for Ryan.

"Colin, don't look so shocked…" Ryan said laughing at his own private joke, "I was kidding." Ryan said as he patted his shoulder. He got into his car shaking his head, biting his lip at the tremble of his own hands on the steering wheel, and drove away.

Colin didn't laugh.

At the Monday meeting they had received lots of new information. Drew had spoken to Chris again earlier in the morning and they were in agreement that he would testify on his behalf when they got the supplier. It was time for them now get to closer to the pub owner. Brad and Sean were already on their way to arrest the guy.

It took about another 30-40 minutes and they had the bar owner back at the department. Officer Esten called to Stiles and Mochrie’s offices and told them to meet with the suspect in the interrogation room. It was settled that Ryan and Colin would conduct the interview.

"You sell drugs then?" Ryan began. "We know everything so don't start any monkey business with us."

The owner was around 50 years of age and as pale as skim milk.

They got him to talk and learned that the liquor supplier for the bar arrived came by one day to get his money for the alcohol he had bought. Business wasn't what it used to be and he had no money to pay the man, and if he could strike up some kind of deal. It was suggested that he could deal some drugs to payback the debt.

Colin couldn't believe how easily they got the confession. He knew that they weren't dealing with trained criminals, just some dishonest folks trying to keep up with the every day pressure of their nature of work. The owner was worried that he’d lose his business and his income and he felt like he had no other choice. Well there were always other choices from Colin's point of view, but when people were driven into tight spots their judgment abilities failed them. They made decisions that weren’t good for them and it lead to situations like this. The man had taken a risk to save his assets and his family but by doing so, he destroyed it all.

They suggested that the man co-operate so that they could catch the man who is bringing drugs to this town and he was willing to do that. The owner promised to call the contact and settle a meeting for tomorrow.

They decided that the owner would be wired during the meeting. Officer Sherwood was sent down to get the equipment ready.

Back in the conference room they had begun working on a strategy. Esten set up a room reservation at an empty hotel across from the bar. They organized a surveillance team to follow the dealer. They didn't know from what county he would come from so they couldn’t warn other surrounding departments, but if their spying paid off they’d have him before he left theirs.

Ryan was sent to check the place and install the equipment with Brad. Colin and Sean went to check the car’s receiver once everything was in place in the hotel room.

After hours they finally returned to the department and confirmed that they had everything they needed. They called it a day and let another shift in to take care of the night shift.

Ryan offered another ride to Colin and this time Colin accepted. Both of the men were quiet and nervous. When Ryan pulled into Colin's drive, he finally said something.

"Here."

"Thank you, Ryan…for this. Do you…want to come inside for coffee?" Colin asked but wasn't sure if he really wanted that. The situation was awkward for both of them. Neither of them seemed to be able to start a conversation.

"No, I think I'll go. I have things to do and places to be." Ryan said and rubbed his neck.

"Ok…I'll see you tomorrow then." Colin said a little relieved and hopped out of the car.

He raised his hand, pausing in mid-wave for a leaving car, thinking how did they come to this? How could they be so close and still so far away from each other? Colin wondered if it was the right thing to just let go and never look back, but he was still too hung up over the man that it broke his heart to imagine just letting go. A least it was going to take a lot of time to heal.

While he was still on the stairs his phone rang.

"Greg? Is that you? "The line was bad but then he could hear the familiar voice.

"Hey! How are you?"

Chapter 12 - Shadows

Greg hung up the phone with Colin. He turned back to look at the huddled form on the couch. Jeff sat with his elbows propped on his knees, his eyes boring holes into the carpet. Every so often a hitch in his breath was the only sound that could be heard in the now silent room.


"Yeah…not so good." Greg spoke quietly into the phone. He said a few more words, speaking in hushed tones to the man on the other line.

"Is that really what’s best?" Col said gripping the phone’s receiver concentrating on the words spoken by his friend. Inside his heart was wrenching.

"I know he’s a good kid, but he’s already been through so much….you are so good for him more than you’ll know…"

"And you know what he’s meant to me…" Greg said looking back at the shadows.


He crossed over to the couch and sat down drawing the rigid man into his arms. Jeff hesitated only slightly before his shoulders slumped and he melted into Greg’s embrace, unable to hold back his tears any longer. He shuddered and shook in Greg’s arms and Greg tightened his hold on Jeff, brushing his nose through Jeff’s hair, whispering soothing words to him. "It’s ok…shhh…"

Greg stroked Jeff’s arm, patting him and calming him the best he could.

The shaking stopped and a pale, watery gaze looked up and into concerned mirrored eyes. Jeff’s eyes were red and swollen from crying so long and so hard.

"It HURTS Greg….Why does it HURT?!" He looked at Greg for the answers. Greg didn’t know where to begin. All he wanted was to see his lover smile. He hated this. He wanted Jeff to be happy more than anything and he hated the hopeless and helpless feelings this situation left him with.

"I just got it…" Greg said running his skilled fingers through Jeff’s hair, smiling despite the pain, and confusion staring back at him. "Yoga…hurts." He said and began to chuckle.

Jeff looked at Greg as Greg framed his face with his soft, slightly roughed hands. He felt like he wanted to scream. What the hell was Greg’s problem? Couldn’t he see how miserable he was? Couldn’t he feel the anguish coming in waves from him? He felt the anger welling and just as he was about to tear into him, Greg smiled softly, tracing the tears from his eyes, wiping each one away, conveying what he couldn’t say with words into his touch.

Jeff smiled then feeling and receiving Greg’s love for him and once he dropped the wall for a moment. Greg pulled him close once again burying Jeff’s face into his neck and Jeff kissed soft little tiny kisses, thanking him. "I just want to go home…" He said muffled into the skin of Greg’s neck, his lips tracing the words there.

Greg closed his eyes. "We will…we will."

-----------------------
CHAPTER 13 - You Always Leave

The next evening found Ryan and Colin in the tiny room opposite the bar. They checked and re-checked the equipment, making sure everything was in order. They tested the microphones and speakers calling back down to the unmarked squad car in the street. They could clearly see what was going on from all angles. Sean and Brad were sitting the car observing from their standpoint. Colin checked the camera lens zooming in and out while Ryan listened to the wired owner as he spoke to a casually dressed officer Denny Siegel. She was the inside plant, posing as a customer.

Colin glanced over at the busy deputy. He wanted to tell him so badly, that he knew about what happened after the party but didn't know how to start the discussion. He reached a hand out to put it on his shoulder, but hesitated. He went instead to the small counter and poured them both a strong cup of coffee. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too long of a night.

Ryan was still fiddling with the lens of the camera, appearing to be in deep concentration and he peered once again through the sight taking a few experimental shots. The more he had to do to busy himself the less he had to bother with the inevitability of the conversation that waited for him. Colin tapped him lightly on the shoulder and he turned. He accepted the small styro cup and nodded in Colin’s direction, carefully sipping the hot liquid. Colin gathered all his courage and spoke first what did he have to lose?

"Ryan, I know you didn't cheat on me. Denny told me. Why didn't you do it?"

After a long silence, Ryan loosened his clamped jaw, stopped staring at a spot of nothing on the road and turned to Colin.

"I couldn’t."

"You couldn't?"

"I didn't want to and I couldn't, you heard me."

"I hurt you?"

"You HEARD me...and you hurt me"

"How did I hurt you?" Colin continued, the sneaking tension creeping its way up his spine.

"You left me, you always leave me."


Ryan turned back to the window feeling a burning sting in his eye. He rubbed at it, swiping quickly, hunching his shoulders, defiantly. Colin looked at the man in front of him, taking note of his tense posture, his masculine back, tight. His closed stance, meaning he wanted the conversation over. Colin stepped closer to him. He took a deep breath and carefully leaned against Ryan, putting his forehead between Ryan’s shoulder blades, and felt how he stiffened. Colin couldn’t stand it any longer. He wanted to feel Ryan. He had to get through to him. He threw his arms around Ryan and pulled him closer to him. He wrapped them around his warm, familiar body, brushing his cheek against the soft material of Ryan’s shirt. Ryan didn't resist but didn't relax. He stayed still, but it was the most difficult thing in his life.

"You left me!" He spoke after a moment more.

"I came back."

"You left me and told me that you’d move away."

"I came back."

"Why?"

"I couldn't leave."

"Why?"

"Because of you Ryan."

"I can't live with you, I told you that."

"Why not for God’s sake?"

"It’s this town, it's too small. People wouldn’t understand."

"Understand what?"

"Us...love."

"Love?"

"Yes Colin." Ryan took Colin’s hands from around him and went to rest his head against the cool glass of the window. It was becoming too much. A tear coursed down his reddened cheek. Colin stood feeling bereft, but looking at the forlorn figure at the window. He put his hands to his hips willing himself to stay calm.

"...."

"Why can't we just be like we were?" The tiny voice startled them both. Ryan was fighting a losing battle with himself and the man that stood between him and the rest of the world.

"I want more Ryan."

"What's the difference?"

Colin strode over to Ryan and grabbed his arm. He roughly turned Ryan to face him and he shook him, trying to make him understand. "I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want to surprise you with breakfast to bed. I want your clothes hanging next to my clothes in our crowded closet. I want things that belong to you around the house reminding me that you are there.

I want to come home sometimes without my keys, and the lights are already on when I step in and sit down on the couch in the spot you left warm for me. I want to curse at you when I hurt my thigh on that stupid toilet paper holder. I want to kiss you after you've been drinking vintage wine. I want to hold your hand when we are both so tired that we can’t speak.

I want to collect your socks around the bed room and nag you about it. I want to brush my teeth at the sink with you and make you laugh so hard while doing it that you have to spit. Colin stopped his shouting bringing his voice so low and soft and sweet, letting his eyes show all the warmth he had behind them, the corners crinkling when he smiled…

"And when I open my eyes in the morning I want to see you first before anything else." He placed a hand on Ryan’s heart, feeling the strong beat under his skin, drawing strength from it.

"Colin...the town is too small..." Ryan mumbled.

A half-laugh, half whimper escaped Colin’s strangled throat as he let himself feel the hopelessness of the situation, because Ryan couldn’t seem to understand that it didn’t matter to him. He put his head where his hand had been and exhaled shakily. He was so close to tears and so emotionally distraught. ‘What will it take?’ He thought to himself.

Ryan lifted his arm and put his palm to Colin's cheek. He stroked it then lifted his chin slowly raising his head to the point that Colin had to look into his eyes. Ryan studied the deep brown pools, seeing the emotion behind them, the hurt, the forgiveness, the love. He moved his face closer until their lips met.

Ryan just rested them there, feeling the soft warmth the provided with their gentle press. Neither of them moved. They knew they were on duty and if they started something now they knew they couldn't stop.

Colin closed his eyes and wished that the moment would last forever but all too soon Ryan pulled back.

"I love you but I can't live with you." He whispered looking away from him; his fists tightly clenched as to not have to look at Colin’s pain.

Colin turned toward the window shaking. His eyes were blurry from all the feelings just went through him but then he saw movements from the street.

"It’s him, I think it's him!" He rushed to the camera and started shooting.

Ryan ran to the window as well and took up the microphone and put the headset to his ear.

"10-66 just arrived. A man, black coat no hat, dark hair, stepped in the bar." Ryan announced.

"10-04."

A moment later Officer Sherwood approached the suspect’s vehicle, he dropped something and when bent down to pick it up, he slipped a small radio transmitter under the car.

Colin's phone rang.

"Hi mother, it's Denny!" A casual voice said over the line. "I just called to wish you happy birthday! I have present for you. No I won't tell you. Yes it's for your new kitchen. Only one and I'm sure you gonna like it. OK, by mom, I'll see you soon. Bye."

"The owner and the suspect went to the kitchen. Denny was sure it was him. Be ready if something happens." Colin spoke into the radiophone to Brad and Sean. Ryan who was holding earphones in one ear he gave the other to Colin and they could hear the discussion.

"What you got for me?" A husky voice asked.

"Here’s your money, all $5 000 of it." the owner said and they could hear rustle and clicking of a case.

"How about we double our odds, what if you take twice as much, I'm sure you can get it sold. Find two dealers."

"Can I think about it?" owner said.

"Don't think for too long, I can always find someone else." the man said angrily. "I'll come back in a week and you give your answer by then! Deal?"

"Deal."

"Now go get me my usual." He said and they could hear him leaving.

Colin rose and took up the camera; he zoomed in on the man as he went outside and got a package from the back of his car and went back inside. They heard him as he stepped back in the kitchen.

"Here and I'll call you." the man said and walked away again.

Brad and Sean sat in their darkened car a few cars behind the dealer's ready to follow the suspect as he pulled away.

"He’s leaving now! Colin spoke into the mic.

"We’re on our way." Sean said and they started their car.

Ryan was heading to the door but Colin pulled him back.

"Here, take this." Colin handed a few bills to Ryan, closing them in his hand.

"What's that?" Ryan asked with a raised eye brow.

"That’s what the ticket cost you."

"What ticket?"

"The ticket to Mangrove Cay." Colin clarified, squeezing the bills tighter in Ryan’s hand.

Ryan turned around and headed to the door without saying anything. He went down the stairs as Colin followed him.

"I’m sorry…I ...you dropped your wallet the other day and I saw it. And I really want to pay it."

But Ryan never looked back. He walked away leaving Colin to stare after him, ever more confused, ever more the same.


They drove back to the department in silence. Colin’s earlier eagerness to be open was no longer there, leaving an awkward silence in its wake. He stared out of the passenger window, casting hesitant glances at the man beside him. Ryan kept his eyes on the road, and Colin took note of the nervous biting of his bottom lip. His leg tapped an impatient staccato on the floorboard. He pulled his hat down over his eyes, crossing his arms and replaying the events of the evening in his mind, both of the case and otherwise. They pulled into the department and Ryan cut off the engine. There was a silence in the car. Suddenly Colin's cell phone rang, startling the pair. They both exited as Colin answered. It was Detective Masterson.

"We are still in surveillance behind the suspect and the transmission signal is strong. I think he is driving in the direction of Planford." Sean said indicating to Brad to make a left turn onto the main road.

"I got you. Call back when you reach the destination point." Colin said and flipped the phone shut.

"What do you know about Planford?"

"It's only an hour’s drive from here and Brad knows the town so they’re good." Ryan said matter-of-fact.

Ryan walked down the hall to his office and opened the door. He flicked on the lamp and went to sit at the edge of his desk. Colin couldn't resist lurking after him. He came in and studied Ryan, who had crossed his arms and was washed in the shadows of the lamplight. Colin leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, just watching, waiting.

"Ryan, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I...it was my fault and...Would you ever have told me if I hadn't seen the ticket?"

"Who knows, but I really don't need your money."

"Ryan, if I hadn't seen that ticket, I would have already left this place. You know, you’re a real bastard at times and I don't appreciate it."

Colin noted Ryan’s reaction, nearly jumping from his desk in protest, saw he was beginning to get angry, the red rising into his cheeks and he was biting his tongue to keep from swearing. Looking at the man trying to hold back all the curse words made Colin smile and he covered a hand to his mouth as he burst out laughing. Ryan looked at him not so amused.

"What’s so funny?" Ryan said doing his best to look menacing.

"Nothing...you just..." Colin was about to continue when Chief Carey burst in the room, brushing past Colin.

"OK, Masterson and Sherwood arrived at the location where the car parked. It's an apartment in the middle of town. The subject exited the vehicle and entered the location so now they’re there waiting for further instruction. I'm calling Planford’s department to have a quick conference on what to do. It's not in our jurisdiction so we are kind of at a loss on what to do next but can cooperate and we have our witness. The bar owner is now in custody." Carey spoke rapidly from the doorway. Colin had in the meanwhile moved into the room and was now standing in the space between the desk and couch, closer to Ryan.

Chief Carey glanced at the two of them and a quick smile reached his eyes. "And I'm glad to see you two getting along again." He said as he turned quickly from the door and disappeared.

"Are we getting along?" Colin laughed at the tall deputy, hope in his eyes.

Ryan looked over at him, and hearing Colin’s laughter made all the difference. Finally a familiar warm smile formed on Ryan's face.



The rest of the day went by on good terms. Masterson and Sherwood came back about an hour later, calling off the surveillance after gathering the needed information. They agreed that they would co-operate with the Planford department but it was mostly in their hands now to apprehend the drug dealer.

"We’ll leave this for the prosecuting attorney. After this guy is busted and arraigned he’ll have a lot of people after his hide and finally we can get another scumbag put away." Chief said ending the conversation. He dismissed everyone, calling it a night.

Colin went outside. It was snowing and the blue twilight was all around. Colin breathed in the fresh, cold, crisp winter air and felt better than he had in ages. Things looked more optimistic now. Even though he was without Ryan, there was a hope that at least they could be friends. It was still going to take a very long time before he could get over his desire and passion for Ryan but he was feeling so much better about things now. Just seeing Ryan’s smile warmed his heart enough to put a skip in his step as he quickly walked home.

The twenty minute walk home was rejuvenating, but he was starting to feel the freezing temperatures sink into his bones. He blew cold breaths of air and rubbed his hands together, entering the house. He looked at his face in the entryway mirror and laughed at the ghostly pale man with the bright red nose staring back at him. He needed a hot shower now. He went up the stairs neatly removing his clothes and leaving them on the edge of his bed. He turned on the hot water full blast, stepping underneath its spray. At first he felt that his skin was burning but after a while he got use to it and the warmth returned to his body again.

He stepped out of the shower to the sounds of his doorbell ringing downstairs. He glanced at his clock in the bedroom wondering who would be at his door this time of night, and in this kind of weather. It had begun to snow hard by the looks of things outside his window. He knew it must have been an emergency. Quickly grabbing a towel he made his way downstairs, tucking the towel snugly against his body. He didn’t stop to think about putting a robe or anything on to combat the cold. He flung open the door.

Ryan stood on the porch flapping his arms like a wounded bird. His lips were almost blue and even the heavy coat he wore couldn’t keep his thin body insulated. Colin would have found this humorous if he hadn’t already begun dancing himself.

"Hey! What are you…do you want to come in?" Colin said still astonished to see him there, wanting him to hurry before he started to grow icicles on his chest hair. He held the door open wider, motioning to Ryan frantically.

"I better before you freeze to death." Ryan said ironically, not feeling like he was at the Bahamas himself. Colin issued him in and closed the door, locking it. He let Ryan walk ahead of him into the living room, thanking himself for remembering to leave the heat on full blast. Ryan stood in the middle of the room rubbing his gloved hands together, his eyes on Colin’s body. When Colin moved he followed, an unmistakable look in his eye, a twitch of his lips.

"Uhm…I’ll just go upstairs and change, er…well get dressed, and I'll be right back." Colin said under the heat of Ryan’s gaze and started to climb upstairs. Ryan had not said another word, but still followed Colin with hungry eyes. Colin climbed the stairs still feeling Ryan’s eyes on him and it was beginning to have the desired effect. He felt like he needed another shower, but a cold one this time.

He was just taking his towel off not realizing that he had left the door ajar and was reaching for his t-shirt when he heard footsteps stopping short behind him. Colin turned slowly. Ryan stood there. He filled the whole doorway, his hand frozen on the knob, his look shy but intense. Colin was having a hard time breathing steadily. He felt himself grow hard and he used the t-shirt to hide the evidence. Ryan licked his lips his eyes continuing to devour Colin’s form, barely covered with the shirt.

"Ryan, what...I...can you turn around?" Colin said his body responding further to the way Ryan was behaving. The heat palpable in the room. His hands trembling noticeably gripping the t-shirt.

"Colin, it's been too long and I need you so badly." Ryan replied with a low, gravelly, lust-laden tone.

"I…I really don't think it's the smartest thing to do right now...I ...we shouldn't...it's just makes it harder." Colin said stammering. He swallowed pushing the lump of nervousness down his throat. Was he nervous…or was he just as desperate for the want of Ryan’s touch?

"Harder, I see...it does indeed." Ryan smirked, purposefully misunderstanding Colin's words. He stepped further into the room approaching Colin carefully, his eyes still trained on the shirt and the nice tent it was creating.

"I didn't mean th...."

Colin didn't have time to finish his sentence when Ryan's mouth descended on his own roughly. Colin growled from the sudden touch of his former lover and couldn't resist anymore. He sucked and licked and teased his way along Ryan’s lips biting gently at the lower. Ryan moaned against Colin’s mouth urgently. He needed to feel Colin…all of him. He missed his kisses desperately. He pushed his tongue deep into Colin’s mouth, swallowing Colin’s gasp of desire.

His hands were anywhere and everywhere at once, feeling the still wet skin from Colin’s shower. Colin lost his hold on the shirt dropping it and lifting both of his hands to encircle them around Ryan's neck. He sifted his fingers through the beloved texture of his hair, reacquainting himself with the feel the luxurious softness as he pressed something much harder against Ryan’s willing body, pushing tightly against him.

It was clear without saying that he was beyond hard. He was aching for Ryan to touch him to feel him and he needed it more than anything else in the world. And if what he could feel against his bare thigh from the man in front of him, Ryan's condition wasn't anything less.

Nothing else was on Colin's mind other than getting Ryan undressed and feeling his body against his. He pulled back, breaking their kiss, much to the frustration of both of them. Ryan gave a protesting whimper but panted softly as Colin reached for the buttons on his shirt. He started to open his uniform as quick as he could with Ryan watching him dazed and hypnotized. Colin looked up at him with a plead for assistance, begging for him to hurry and Ryan shook himself out of his erotic stupor. He ripped open his shirt the rest of the way, grabbing Colin again to his body to feel their bare chests pressed close together. They moaned at the skin on skin contact.

Ryan backed Colin over to the bed removing his belt haphazardly tossing it aside and undoing his pants. Colin’s hands reached, but Ryan batted them away. He was in no mood for playing, kissing and nipping and biting Colin as he moved him steadily to the bed. Dropping his pants to the floor and with one hand he easily pushed Colin down on top of it watching as Colin’s dick bobbed with the bounce. Ryan gasped again, his cock painfully throbbing to be satisfied. He crawled on top of Colin finding his waiting mouth again. Their cocks brushed deliciously against the other making them cry out at the long missed sensation.

"Ryan I need you…" Colin said frantically rubbing himself along Ryan’s length. He clutched Ryan’s body close to his own trying to meld himself into Ryan’s skin. Ryan was no better, clawing at Colin’s flesh, leaving red marks along pale skin. Colin gasped, exhaling and looking into Ryan’s dark eyes. "I need you…" He repeated kissing Ryan’s cheeks, chin and neck rolling over leaving Ryan under him while reaching for something from nightstand’s drawer. He liberally spread the cinnamon-scented lubrication on his hands and began to rub it seductively around both of their cocks.

Ryan moaned and repositioned himself. Ever since the last time that Colin had taken him, it was all he could think of to have him there once again. He needed to feel the fullness the heat of him deep inside to feel him brush against the part of him that made him believe in life once again. To make him believe in love. He begged Colin to take him, and begged for the touch. Colin with tears of joy gathering in the corners of his eyes, placed a hand on Ryan’s smooth hip, feeling the contours and how well his hand fit and belonged there, rubbed the tip of his dick against Ryan’s entrance, desperately trying to control his urgency. He knew Ryan was still new to this, but if he didn’t feel him soon, his mind would break from the sheer want of it. He pushed himself slowly, the slickness of his well-lubed erection making it an easier task, looking him in the eye hesitantly asking permission to enter.

"Oh God Colin, what takes you so long?" Ryan said, his voice clogged with lust and want and desire and need, the need for him. "Please…" he whispered. Colin cried out not able to wait a moment longer.

Colin slid in carefully gauging Ryan’s reactions with his own. It was not easy, Ryan was so tight and hot and Colin was right on the edge of losing control. Inch by inch he pushed in, deeper and deeper feeling the glorious heat and constriction on him. "Ry…" he ground out through gritted teeth, the sweat beginning to trickle down his forehead and onto Ryan’s chest. His own chest was damp, his heart rapidly thudding in his chest. "Ryan…want…." He gasped not being able to have a coherent thought finish his sentence. He grabbed Ryan’s hand lacing their fingers and gripping it for dear life.

Ryan's eyes were squeezed shut, his head thrown back, long slender column of his neck exposed, tantalizing jaw line aching to be soothed with a tongue, a hand clutching at Colin’s hip and the other one in a death grip on Colin’s hand couldn't help the low uttering sounds coming from of his mouth. It made Colin grow even harder.

Colin caught his breath after his long journey came to an end. His heart hammered in his chest matching that of Ryan’s own rhythm and began to ease back out and slide back in more smoothly having stretched Ryan pleasurably. Ryan murmured low in his chest beginning to relish the feel of Colin’s even movements in and out of his body. Colin opened his eyes to find Ryan staring back at him a mischievous little quirk to his mouth as Ryan gripped his hips pushing him in harder and faster. Ryan lifted his hips to give more friction and access to Colin. Colin slyly smiled back at him. "Is this what you want…?" He moaned and slammed himself deep inside of Ryan increasing his speed. He reached down and took hold of Ryan’s long thick shaft and began to pump him in tandem with his thrusting.

Colin’s breathing increased, riding Ryan faster and faster a whir of skin on skin, mouth on mouth, hands caressing and teasing and moving and gliding. The sounds of slamming flesh and gasps filled the air riding high on a wave of ecstasy ending in a combined cry as they both came, hearts racing like mad, bodies pressed so tight against the other, each coming down off the swirling ride together.

Colin, at long last, opened his eyes to look down at the flushed and heated skin underneath him. Ryan’s eyes were still closed tightly, little tremors working their way up and down his body. He lazily reached up with a heavy hand and clicked off the lamp beside him. Colin smiled softly, bringing the hand to trace the little pout in Ryan’s bottom lip, snuggling into him, tucking his head into the crook of Ryan’s neck, closed his eyes and drifted away. At this very moment he felt like everything was perfectly fine and all was once again right with the world.

In the late evening hours as the sun was setting, Colin woke up. He was lying naked wrapped tightly still in Ryan's hold. A phone was ringing somewhere but it wasn’t his own. He shifted slightly snuggling, wrapping his arms comfortably around the beautiful body beside him.

"Ryan, wake up! It's yours." Colin whispered softly in his ear, his breath moving the fine hairs on the skin of Ryan’s earlobe. He smiled and brushed his nose against the side of Ryan’s head nuzzling him.

Ryan opened his eyes and for a moment he looked around wondering where he was until he met a pair of brown gentle eyes.

"Hey…is this a dream?" He said gently tracing Colin’s eyebrow with a thumb and smiled.

"I’m not sure, but if it is, can I get five more minutes?" He answered leaning down to kiss Ryan's waiting mouth. Ryan took his time conveying his feelings to Colin in a way that had the older man’s head swimming, kissing and pausing and kissing again, learning at a languid pace the nuances of his partner.

Ryan’s cell phone continued to ring but after a while the tune ended. Only in mere seconds it started up on Colin's phone.

"Mm mm, I don't want to answer either." Colin murmured trembling against Ryan's soft, warm lips. He was having a delightfully difficult time catching his breath. Ryan was tracing patterns into the smooth skin of Colin’s uncovered hip, making the man shiver with the chill in the room and the heat of his touch.

The ring tone ended and started again on Ryan's phone.

"Shit! It must be from the department. Let me check." Ryan reluctantly tried to remove himself from Colin’s grasp and sighed at the whimper he received from loss of contact. He rose from the bed and reached for his phone in his pants. Colin scooted over to the edge of the bed his eyes feasting on the taut, firm planes of Ryan’s behind, wanting to reach out and trace the lines to feel the tanned skin beneath the palms of his hands. He was beginning to feel the all too familiar twinges of excitement, and he was not about to complain.

"Yep, it's Esten." Ryan said scrutinizing the small numbers in the semi darkness. He batted Colin’s hands playfully away and answered.

Colin rolled over on his back and looked up at the ceiling. He ran a hand through his chest hair smoothing the tiny tangles almost petting himself like a cat. He listened a while making quick glances to Ryan watching as his mouth formed words that something has happened.

"OK, we’re coming... I’ll tell him...and pick him up...In ten minutes." As Ryan disconnected the line Colin was already up and heading to the bathroom. He washed up quickly and started make his way to his closet for clean clothes while Ryan put on his uniform.

"Planford department has chased our guy back over to Boonsville. Looks like they have a place in town which could be the drug factory. Looks like the case is ours after all. Their officers saw five men approaching the location. It's an old mill which has bought by some business men six months ago. We have to get a stake out there." Ryan reported while struggling with his socks.

Ryan gave Colin a courteous pat on the back that held no feeling as he moved his way ahead of him and hurried out the door to the car. Colin held a back a few paces and locked the door behind him. He couldn’t help but feel the hurt like a rock in the pit of his stomach, but brushed it aside, not fully understanding but understanding better the complex man behind the wheel.

-------------------

In fifteen minutes they were all in the conference room again. Chief Carey spread a map of the area on the table and circled the area where the factory was located with a red marker.

"We have ways to approach the place. It's by the sea so we can go there with a boat. Although I'm sure they have lookouts all around monitoring it. Here we have an old hunting cabin. He said pointing to a spot to the right of the building. It's been dug into the ground. Looks like a land cellar so it's hard to notice especially with the snow on the ground. And there is a thick forest surround the area. I think we can hide somewhere. Brad and Sean, I want you guys to go there and set up camp. You can be awake in shifts, take warm clothes and blankets. Stiles and Mochrie. I want you to maintain surveillance in the unmarked car of who ever goes or leaves the Mill. Understood?"

"Yes, let's go!" Ryan said as he rushed first from the door.

---------

They’d been shivering in Ryan's car for two hours and it was almost midnight. Nothing had happened. No one had left or entered the site. When they arrived earlier the Planford detective unit turned over the surveillance duty to them. Brad and Sean were in hiding and they reported no movement from inside the building either. The five men were still inside the Mill. There were lights in two of the windows. Because of the snow they couldn't approach it without leaving boot marks so they just watched and waited.

"Colin, are you cold?" Ryan asked looking away from the path in front of him watching his breath form in front of him. They had not spoken much since the evening other than giving directions and relaying activity…each hiding safely behind the guise of work. He saw the other man hugging himself tightly.

"I’m a little chilled. I can survive." Colin said patting himself trying to keep the warmth inside his heavy coat. He gave a forlorn smile in Ryan’s direction. He wanted to say something. It was right on the tip of his tongue but he remained silent, waiting.

Ryan leaned in and casually and put his long arm around Colin's shoulders, pulling the man closer to him.

"Come here, I'll keep you warm." He whispered in Colin's ear gazing down on the top of his head. He placed a tentative, light kiss on his temple.

Colin stiffened slightly but didn't resist. He tried to allow the earlier feelings of happiness and calmness settle around him. This was going to be a long night and he was going to try and hold off the inevitable for as long as possible. He relaxed a little and listened to the sounds of breathing amplified in the stillness.

After another hour of watching the road, Brad's voice broke the silence. He announced that there was still no activity from inside. Ryan 10-4’d and nestled back into the seat with a frustrated sigh. Colin yawned and buried his nose deeper in Ryan's warmth. Enjoying Ryan’s smell and solidity, it felt right…then why…why wasn’t it? Ryan spoke softly after a moment.

"Colin before we ...you know...today..."

"Made love?"

"Yes....before we made love... You said that it will be harder then...What did you mean by that" Ryan asked, picking at the steering wheel with a gloved hand.

"I ...nothing...I meant nothing."

"You did...were you saying that it would be harder to move out of this town then?"

Colin could sense the tightening in his voice and was afraid that it was becoming a new argument again.

"No, I wasn't saying that"

"What was it then?"

"I...don't think that...I ...I was saying that it would be harder to forget you then if we ...you know." Colin struggled with his words.

"Forget me? Are you going to forget me and leave then?" Ryan pulled away, looking down at him, body stiff and unforgiving.

Again the beautiful moment was ruined. Colin felt his headache coming back. He didn't want to argue.

"Ryan, please don't start this now. Does it look like I'm leaving? I just accepted a job here...I just. Since you don't want to live with me, I don't feel safe. Even if we are together there’s always going to be times like the Christmas party. You’ll push the envelope and leave me out, alone and lonely. I love you, but it’s obvious you can’t return that kind of love to me without feeling shamed over it. It happened when Denny ridiculed you. You can’t accept who you are. I really can't take this kind of life anymore. It’s made me so down, you know. I was so jealous and angry that I almost lost it completely." Colin let the words flow out of his mouth. He was gripping Ryan’s coat sleeve, trying his best to convey all of his feelings through his eyes, his voice. He felt the wall between them once again and it seemed as if there would never be a big enough break for survival.

"So you don't want to be with me then after all? I thought we could still be together, you know?" Ryan didn't sound angry anymore, just sad.

Colin couldn't say anything else. He just sighed deeply and stared at the falling snow that was lazily drifting around them.

"Maybe it's better if we’re just friends." he finally said and tried reaching for Ryan's hand.

"Maybe we should then." Ryan turned away from him slightly and bit his lip. He put a hand to his chin and studied the landscape before him. Colin could see the tears in his eyes.

They didn't need anymore words. Colin put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and turned the guarded man towards him with a gentle touch. He took his face into both hands brushing a thumb over a glistening cheekbone. Colin leaning his face closer brought his lips to Ryan’s tasting the salty, wet tears, making his mouth all the more desirable. They had never kissed this way before. Like they were seeking answers from each other’s mouth or making things different. Finally Colin pulled back. He looked at Ryan's eyes and saw the same look that was in his eyes. Good-byes.

Colin didn't know how he would ever survive this time. Last time he was angry so it was much easier, but this time was certainly different. Colin was torn. He knew that it was for the best. But he didn’t want it this way. He wasn’t sure how long he could go on, knowing that love was there within reach, but so impossibly far away.

They both jumped at the sudden scratch on the radiophone.

"I think someone is coming out!" Detective Masterson’s voice filled the air.

"We’re ready here."

Colin took the surveillance camera and headed outside behind a big spruce where he could see the building but they would not be able to spot his location. All of the five men exited the factory. They turned out the lights and headed to their cars. The dealer they were trailing was there and left in one car and the other four in another. All of the officers watched as they left.

-----------------

Colin was at home. They let the suspects leave. Sean and Brad stayed at the site. They had photos of all the suspects. Ryan dropped Colin of at his house and then left to the department to upload the pictures so they would be ready for the morning meeting.

Colin lay on his back in his bed but couldn't find sleep. It was already five in the morning and the darkness was beginning to ease away into light. A lonely bird sang somewhere outside Colin's window. Colin thought about where Ryan was now. He figured Ryan was probably too tired to go home and was sleeping on his couch in his office. Colin lay there thinking of all the options that they had between them. Stay or go, be or not be, accept or deny. Ryan was so stubborn about things. They could move away from this small town and start fresh somewhere new, somewhere that didn’t hold all these painful, passionate memories for them. He doubted that Ryan would do that. Then another thought crossed his mind. Colin stood up. It was worth a try. He reached his phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello…Brad, you awake? Colin said nonchalantly, but with an amused air into the phone. What’s going on you sound so breathless…is everything all right?" Colin listened to the other end of the line hearing heavy breathing and a deep male voice whisper. The younger officer’s voice became nervous and he laughed shakily into the phone.


"Yeah I'm OK; we’re OK...Nothing new in here. I’m just...um...exercising a little to keep warm." Brad spoke rapidly as if he were trying to convince himself more than Colin. He got faster as the conversation continued.


"Right…If that helps you sleep at night." Colin said disbelieving as he laughed into the phone.


"So...what...has something happened?" Brad said embarrassed and that made Colin laugh even more.


"No, no, I just need a selfish little favor from you. Can you remember those guys who called Ryan names before Christmas?"


----------------------


Colin arrived at the police department before seven. He headed to his office leaving the light off letting the light from the morning sun illuminate the room and went to his desk. He flipped on his computer, entering his passwords and accessed the database. He reached for his cell phone and hit the number one on speed dial.


"Wake up sleepy head." He said seductively into the phone. There was some grumbling on the other line and a few choice words muttered back at him. "What the hell? Where the fuck is the…hold on…shit."


"Well good morning to you too sunshine, and how’s my favorite camper today?" Colin said idly tapping keys on his PC. "How are you treating my boy?" Colin said indicating the other mumbles heard in the background.


"Oh, me and your boy have been going at it like the proverbial bunny rabbits, par usual." The voice said self-confidently albeit with an ear-piercing yawn. Now what can I do you for…you wouldn't be up this early and call me unless you have something in mind." Greg’s snark was evident causing Colin to wince at his accurate guess.


"I do have something in mind and I need your help. Can you do a search on two names? Archie Hahn and Peter Cook. I just emailed you all the info I have on them but I need the details. Can you check them for me, please?"


"I got it...Colin buddy, you know these guys are cops...I have to search the restricted access files and you know it's against protocol."


"I know, but it’s important Greg. Will you do it?" Colin said with a tiny plead to his voice. He knew no one could resist him when he turned on his charm.


"You know, I know what you’re doing, man." Greg said with an exasperated sigh. "It shouldn’t work on me, but it still does. I’ve known you far too long…ok, I’ll do this and maybe you can tell me later what this is all about?"


"I will, and let's just say it's the last chance for me to try and be a happy man..."


"Colin, you sure you’re ok, buddy…you sound so tired." Greg asked, the concern evident. He cared very much for the man on the other end of the line. If things had been different he knew he would have wanted to be more than just friends. There was something connecting within their hearts that no one else shared. But he wouldn’t change his situation now for anything. He only wished Colin would find his own complete happiness.


"I am, I’m fine…really. I just didn't sleep well. We had this stake out last night…and well…well let’s not get into all of that." Colin said looking towards the door that led to the hallway. There was shuffling of footsteps and voices out there signaling everyone’s arrival to the department. He had a lot of work to catch up on but he wanted to change the subject to something lighter. "So, you and Jeff tell me about you guys!"


There was an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the phone. Colin cleared his throat once making sure that Greg knew he was still there.


"What…oh…yeah, man…everything is cool with us. It’s great…we just uh…well there’s a few things to have come up lately, Col…and…well basically…we’re coming home.



Colin hit the end button. He stood up. The call took almost 30 minutes. He rubbed a weary hand over his scalp and brushed away an errant tear. He was distressed beyond words, but the solution would be best for all of them. He had spoken to Jeff and he had missed the young man’s voice, but was saddened to hear his words. Colin walked to the door and went to fetch coffee, shaking off his sadness.


He glanced carefully into Ryan's office. He was lying on the couch in a deep sleep like Colin assumed. He went over to the coffee machine and poured two mugs one for each of them and went back to Ryan's office.


He set both of the cups on the table as so many times before and went to the sleeping man. He was sprawled out on the too-tiny-for-a-man-his-size couch. One leg hung precariously off the edge and an arm was flung over the back. His head was crooked on his other arm leaning on the arm rest. He looked completely uncomfortable but completely at rest, Colin thought as he studied the man.


Ryan looked so calm while sleeping and Colin couldn’t help himself but to smooth the hair away from his brow and bow to kiss his forehead. Ryan shifted in his sleep, mouthing something unintelligible. Colin leaned closer. "Hmmm?" He said lightly. He brought his ear down to Ryan’s lips, a smile playing on his own.


"Colin, do I smell coffee?"


Colin grinned. He shouldn't be in this good a mood after all that had happened, but he couldn't help smiling. Ryan always had a way to his heart.



Ryan opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow at the grinning detective. "What? Did I slobber a pool on the floor while I was sleeping? Why are you smiling?" his grumpy voice asked.


Colin just kept on smiling.


"What? You better tell me or I’ll..."


"You’re gonna do what?" Colin laughed and pushed Ryan’s legs to the side. Ryan groaned and stretched as he sat up, his back protesting. He made room for Colin as the other man sat down next to him. They were close. Their shoulders brushed together lightly, and Ryan’s breath caught in his chest. He was mesmerized by the merriment he saw dancing in Colin’s eyes. He leaned in but hesitated.


"Well I don’t know. It's inappropriate to kiss a friend isn't it?"


"It is especially with that morning breath of yours." Colin provoked the taller man.


"Oh I’ll show you bad breath." Ryan threw his arm around Colin’s neck pulling him close. Colin let out a playful yelp as Ryan brought his face close to the other man’s. Colin couldn’t move but he placed his hands against Ryan’s chest, feeling the rapid heartbeat inside. Ryan looked into his eyes briefly, asking a silent, urgent question, before tentatively touching his lips to Colin’s. Colin closed his eyes, tensing and Ryan pulled back letting Colin go.


The playful atmosphere was gone as they both sighed heavily and reached at the same time for their coffee.


They were still sipping them in silence when Officer Hahn's head peeked from around the door.


"Morning meeting’s about to start, have you seen Mochr...Oh there he is, of course. OK girls let's go." The middle aged dark headed tallish officer yelled from the door. He sneered in their direction, huffing his disapproval at their close proximity on the couch.


Ryan leapt from the couch ready to haul his ass back in there and beat the hell out of him and would have if Colin didn’t rush in front of him to block his way. "Get back in here you son of a bitch…You do NOT talk to your superior officer that way." He ground out. Officer Hahn stood there the sneer still plastered on his face.


"It’s not worth it." Colin said looking back in disdain at the other officer. He placed a hand on Ryan’s chest.


Ryan stared Officer Hahn down, but the man turned and walked away, and he allowed Colin to hold him back.


"Ok, let's go to the meeting." Ryan said calming himself. He pushed his way past Colin and strode down the hallway.


"Do we have the warrant for the Mill? I think we have enough proof. The pictures were scanned through and we can recognize at least three of them as convicted criminals already. And the dealer, we got evidence against him too. Are we ready to search the Mill and bust them?" Chief Carey stepped into the room while talking.


Officer Esten gave an envelope to the chief and watched as he opened it. He quickly read it through.


"OK, so Sherwood and Masterson are already there. They can search the place with a little help from Stiles and Mochrie. We know the address of the dealer's. And the other three live in Planford too, so we can stay in contact with the local police to make the arrest there. I'm pretty sure that they will give away the fifth and still anonymous person's name."


"You'll call them if we head over to the Mill now, right? Ryan asked the chief who nodded in affirmation.


---------------


Colin and Ryan arrived at the Mill. Brad and Sean were waiting for them there and they looked tired. The pair had brought tools they needed with them. Colin handed a large metal lock cutter to Brad who broke the chain that held the door closed. Ryan removed his gun and stepped inside. He quickly surveyed the area pointing the gun into every direction but no one seemed to be there. They all stepped inside.


Sean held the flashlight and show it around the room that opened up to them. They had entered into a large hall. There were worktables from one end of the room to the other and on them were bottles of every shape and size. Crystal clear bottles with full of light blue fluids.


"Looks like we hit the jackpot! It's definitely the drug factory." Sean said shining his light on a few tables picking up a glass bottle or two, examining it in the dim light. He looked around a few more tables.


"Let's call the others; we need to wrap this place up!"


Colin radioed into the chief and told him what they had found. Carey promised to send more men to secure the area.


------


Everything happened much easier than they all had thought. Carey's team had left the Planfield police department to search the rest of the building and by noon had found out that all of the men were apprehended. Some went quietly, some not so. The department was under orders to release the alleged drug dealers to the FBI pending a full investigation.


Colin was sitting in his office checking his emails. Nothing new from Greg, so he decided to wait until he heard from him. He leaned back in his chair and thought about the situation. He really hoped what he was planning would work.


Suddenly a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.


"Hey! We're heading over to the bar to celebrate, you coming?" Brad grinned wide, his loud playful voice barked in a really good mood.


"Oh…I'm sorry Brad. I'm waiting for an email so maybe next time." Colin said trying to let his friend down easily.


"No way! You can check your emails from your cell phone, c'mon." Brad said bounding into the room and hauling Colin up by the arm. Colin feebly protested but grabbed his coat as Brad didn't give up so easily.


They headed back down to the local pub. It was the same place where they had all met up during the Christmas party.


"Sean'll be here a bit later…he's just fixing up some reports from the wrap up of the Mill case." Brad announced after they walked away from the bar area with beers in hand and headed toward the lounge. Colin slid in next to Ryan on the comfortable couch. Brad sat opposite of Colin. Denny was still up front ordering. She approached the table and tried to squeeze herself between Ryan and Colin but Colin scooted more into Ryan's side, so she had to sit next to Colin.


Ryan startled slightly but a soft smile crinkled about his eyes and lips as he took in Colin's subtle possessive streak. He brushed his thigh against the smaller man and watched him with a raised eyebrow. Brad fidgeted in his seat. He had to talk, it was getting too quiet.


"Can you believe we solved a case without any shooting? It's a great thing after that city hall incident and what happened at the university. It's such a relief that the FBI is going to take over this case."


Colin glanced at Ryan who was studying the table top with a quiet interest. He picked up his pint and drank it down in a couple of large gulps. Colin could not help but be drawn to the workings of Ryan's throat, but he was wondering why Ryan was so quiet lost in a world of his own. He traced a pattern into the worn table, only giving half interest to Brad's ramblings. They discussed some of the outcomes of the bust, as far as what their roles would be in the upcoming future, before Colin finished the last of his beer and stood up to get more.


"Anyone up for another round?" He asked pointing to the others who nodded shaking their empty glasses at him.


"I'll help." Brad said standing up.


"I can bring you one." Colin said and tried to take Brad's glass.


"No, no, no, I can come with you."


On their way to the bar, Brad stopped Colin by placing his hand on his forearm. Colin looked back a little confused but smiled at Brad's suddenly serious demeanor.


"Can I talk to you privately about something?"


After ordering another tray of drinks, they took them to a corner where Colin leaned against a wall and Brad cleared his throat.


"You know I'm with Wayne, right?" Brad started nervously shifting from one foot to the other. His nervous energy made him unable to stand still. It was making Colin's head hurt to keep up with him.


"Sure, Brad. Are you two doing ok? I haven't heard you mention him much lately." Colin said concerned looking into his friends anxious brown eyes, trying to convey a little support.


"Well...thing is, he's away a lot. We hardly see each others except maybe three times a year. I do love him but the distance makes me forget sometimes how he feels and looks and so...well…so last night…" Brad stopped and ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Oh god, how unprofessional I was." Brad nearly shouted, but then realizing he was yelling cut himself short.


"Go on. It's okay, your secret's safe with me." Colin said putting his hand on Brad's shoulder comforting the edgy man, convincing him that he could be trusted. He already knew what was coming.


"Well…you know when you called in early this morning….well me and Sean…who is a totally hot guy by the way…well we got to talking and he told he was gay and I opened up to him...in uh…many ways if you know what I mean…and uh...yeah...god this is hard...he was...I really shouldn't drink this beer on an empty stomach should I?" Brad said. He had begun pacing and the amount of fidgeting he was doing was driving Colin crazy just watching.


Colin laughed out loud, the dimples creasing his cheeks. He was amused at Brad's blabbering and Freudian slips.


"No go on. You're just so funny when you're nervous."


"Ok, well then we uh…we…you know and...well I cheated on Wayne. There, I said it. What should I do?" The younger man asked and suddenly growing serious, looking down at his hands rubbing them together.


"Sit here." Colin said and lead them to the nearest table. "Do you feel like you want to end your relationship with Wayne? Why do you think you did?" Colin asked.


"I don't know…I really don't. I was thinking when we saw each other during the holidays that I don't know this man anymore. And he got phone calls that he couldn't answer in the same room that I was in. And it was all those small signs, you know. I didn't think too much on those then, but when he left they came back to me and...I really don't know. And then Sean came...I don't wanna say it was love at first sight but I really liked him immediately. He's a stand up guy you know."


"Brad, if it's something you're really sure about and it feels right to you, then I say go for it but I suggest that you talk to Wayne first. It's not fair for both of you if you just feel like your relationship exists only because neither of you can say to the other that it's over." Colin covered his hand over Brads and smoothed a finger over the soft skin. He smiled encouragingly at Brad who had hung his head so low his chin almost met his feet. He patted the back of his hand and softly chuckled.


"Hey…what's going on over here? Why'd you leave?" Ryan interrupted them coming to find out why he hadn't got his refill yet. He saw the both of them sitting together in deep discussion. "You know you can't leave me alone with Denny all night. Who knows what she's capable of?" Ryan joked halfheartedly, earning a stern glance from Colin. Ryan smiled sheepishly back at him, shrugged and took his pitcher of beer back to the table.


"So, you ok enough to go back to the table now, Brad?" Colin said his eyes following Ryan back to their booth. Brad looked between the two and a lopsided smile returned to his face.


"I guess. Can I talk to you later after I thought more on it?" He asked Colin as he stood up.


"Sure, anytime." Colin said as he pat the man on his back, pushing him back toward the group.


Just at that moment, Sean entered the bar. Brad's smile widened as he waved him over.


When they all settled again around the table, Sean said he was informed by Chief Carey on the latest news from the crime scene. The FBI had found hundreds of ecstasy pills and a machine they had used to pack them into the birth control pill rolls. It looked like it was a bigger catch than what they first thought. The agents had found similarities in some previous unsolved cases they had so they could match them up to a few other crimes and get them off their books. It was a successful win all around.


Everyone was having a good time talking and carrying on for a few hours. Chief Carey had also joined them after his shift ended. Ryan told dirty jokes while the chief sipped on a beer. After a particularly randy punch line, Carey spewed his brew all over the table and that made them laugh even harder.


Colin was relaxed feeling completely comfortable and for once allowed himself to just let the worry slip away. Every so often he glanced at Ryan and saw honestly happy eyes staring back at him. Colin brushed his thigh against Ryan's who brushed back. He laughed at Ryan's jokes which made Ryan tell a few more with Brad occasionally throwing out some snappy comebacks of his own. Colin joined in a time or two and he thought how they all could have been doing this kind of thing in some other life. They really were pretty good together. Colin would try and find excuses to touch Ryan, sometimes on the arm, sometimes the hand. He talked lively gesturing with his arms sending tiny electric shocks of pleasure up them when he touched Ryan's skin. He just wanted to feel the man.


Colin had almost forgotten the emails he was waiting for. He enjoyed the being and the nearness of Ryan. He couldn't remember when he had smiled so much, or laughed so hard. It was contagious to everyone. The table was alive with the sound of a hard working group of people who had earned their down time. At some point Ryan leaned toward him, his lips lightly brushing the skin of Colin's earlobe, causing instant shivers, as he whispered softly, hesitantly.


"What were you and Brad talking about?"


"Why?"


"Nothing…just curious. You looked so close to him." Ryan said placing an errant hand on Colin's knee, hidden under the table. He really wasn't calling attention to himself, but he wasn't being too subtle about it either. He draped his arm casually around Colin's shoulders over the back of his chair. Colin was getting over-heated at Ryan's proximity.


"Don't you start, it wasn't anything like that. He was just talking about his relationship with that singer. You know, Wayne Brady." Colin said out of the corner of his mouth. Ryan was NOT making it very easy on him. He noticed his pulse had increased, and he swallowed hard. He was finding it difficult to know what to do with his hands. Oh he had a good idea of what he wanted to do with them.


"That's fine…but just so you know, if I can't have you, then no one can. Ryan said bring his voice gravelly low, murmuring, lips brushing the edge of Colin's temple as he eyed the others at the table. They were engaged in their own conversations, so it wasn't too noticeable to anyone who wasn't paying at attention.


Colin shivered and laughed, smiling back at Ryan. The alcohol was having a nice effect on him and it made Colin's sight blur fuzzily. He wanted to kiss Ryan. He saw Ryan's green eyes sparkle and the vulnerable upturn of his lips. He looked so cute like this. Colin leaned closer unable to control himself and he pressed a small kiss to Ryan's cheek. Ryan startled but didn't draw away. He half-lidded his eyes to the touch and his breathing quickened. He didn't know what he was doing, but he didn't want it to stop. Ryan's hand tightened briefly on Colin's shoulder, causing a small sigh to escape Colin's trembling mouth.


"Look…the queers are kissing now!!" Some raucous voices echoed from somewhere near the bar.


Everyone in the pub went silent and looked toward the doors. Officers Hahn and Cook were standing there laughing.


"I didn't know this was a gay bar. We better get outta here before the action starts!" Hahn said with a loud voice so that they could be heard at the table. Everyone was shocked at the table and turned toward Ryan and Colin. Colin's face went three shades of red and Ryan's did as well but for other reasons.


Ryan stood up so suddenly knocking his drink to the floor where it crashed and broke into a million pieces.


"You assholes got some problems, huh? Come and say it again to my face, if you dare!" he yelled at the derisive cops.


Both of them approached the table. Colin stood up and tried to draw Ran back to sit but Ryan had so much rage built up in him that Colin couldn't hold him. Brad stood up too but the beer had done its job and he swayed until he had to sit back down.


Suddenly Ryan stepped forward but Colin was faster and caught the man's fist before made contact with Officer Hahn's face.


"Come on Ryan...let it be." Colin tried to calm him down. The other cops still tried to provoke him, laughing and acting scared, but Carey interfered.


"Alright, if anyone wants suspended just be the first to throw the punch. Other that that, you two beat it and Stiles…have a seat."


Chief Carey's voice broke through to the stubborn group who was waiting to tear the other to shreds. They separated but the troublemakers' incident had ruined the atmosphere.


It also made Colin remember the email he was waiting for. He sat Ryan back down in his chair making sure his friend was calm and he turned toward the door.


"I think I better go now. I have some things I still gotta do at the office." He said and tried to leave.


The others began to protest, urgently asking him to stay, but Colin refused. He headed to the coat rack and grabbed his jacket. He looked back at Ryan inquiring with his eyes if he would leave with him, but Ryan just looked back, dejected and lost, clearly still upset, without making any gestures of leaving. Colin was disappointed but understood him too. He had just been under attack as well as the man trying to play it off coolly in his seat, and he understood all the pressure. He just wished Ryan would stand up for what he was, for the both of them…It was still too soon.


Colin walked back to his house. He thought better of going back to the department. He could check his mail at home just the same. The chilling air cleared his muzzle-headed feelings so by the time he arrived at his house he has lost the buzz he had gotten from the beer. He opened his lap top and waited until it was ready. He accessed his email and saw two posts from Greg. The first one was about officer Hahn and other one related to officer Cook. Colin was quite pleased by the information that Greg had turned up. Colin read the reports a small satisfied smile formed on his face.

Colin closed his laptop with a satisfied but weary smile. He was too tired to do anything about the matter at the moment. It could wait until morning. Colin picked up his phone and phoned Brad's cell to see how was it going at the pub, but he had already left for home. They chatted for a few more minutes and said goodnight. Colin felt his heavy-lidded eyes sag and soon he was deep asleep.

Colin woke up at 8 a.m., the next morning. He fumbled around looking for his phone. His head was clear but it still had a fuzzy cotton feeling in the back of it. The taste of beer in his mouth made him grimace and click his tongue trying to get rid of the sourness. He made his way to the bathroom and drank water straight from the tap. He felt much better after that. He found his phone and called the station, checking in. Chip was there as always and his perky morning attitude made Colin wince. ‘How does he do it?’ He thought and patiently listened as Chip told him that he didn't have to be there until 11. The others had taken the morning off as well. Everything was A-OK according to Chip. Colin hung up and fell back into bed and tried to rest.

At 10:30 a.m. sharp he stepped into the department. He almost felt like whistling. The small rest had done him a world of good. He had gotten up, showered and had a light breakfast. He was really looking forward to the day. He headed to his office and turned on his computer. He printed the emails and put them in a light brown folder. He then intercom-ed Chip and asked if Ryan had came in yet.

Chip laughed into the phone. "Well here comes Mister Sunshine now wearing a wonderful big frown and dark sunglasses. You guys had fun last night, huh?"

Colin tried to suppress his giggle and gave a slight hmmm…into the phone before hanging up. He got up from his desk and peeked into the corridor and slipped down the hall to Ryan's office. He tapped on the glass a bit and Ryan opened the door, still with his shades on, only mildly surprised, only very aggravated. He issued Colin in and Colin went to sit in a chair in front of Ryan’s desk.

"Good Morning!" Colin said making his voice as mellow and added a slight dreamy edge to it. He smiled his brightest smile and gauged the other man’s response. He played with a button on his jacket.

Ryan quirked an eyebrow, a tiny laugh escaping his lips. He did not trust his head at all at the moment. And since when was it so damn bright in his office? He removed his glasses and scrubbed a hand over his face. His eyes were red-rimmed, but relaxed.

"You stay up late?" Colin said still talking evenly, keeping his voice low. He knew Ryan was probably very hung over and although he could be a little vindictive about it he had other plans in mind.

"Yeah, I guess. We drank the bar dry with the Chief." Ryan said his voice husky and low.

"You sound kind of sexy, you know?" Colin said looking at Ryan intensely, allowing his own voice to go breathy, biting at his bottom lip.

Ryan raised his other eye brow. "OK, what is it? Why are you in such a good mood?"

"What, I can't smile in the morning?" Colin asked playfully and handed the file to Ryan.

Ryan took the papers and started to read. His facial expressions changed from disgust to wondering and finally a smile formed on his face.

"Where’d you get this?" He finally asked.

"I'm special investigator, aren't I?" Colin said tapping a finger to his chin. He tried hard to remain as serious as he could over the situation, but the threatening smile continued to tug at the corners of his mouth and at Ryan’s reactions, he was losing the battle pleasantly.

"Oh Colin, can I kiss you now?" Ryan said jumping up half-way until the surge of pain form over activity hit him straight in the back of the head. "OWWW."

"I prefer not." Colin said seriously, his eyes dancing with merriment. "I think I still plan to drive a car sometime this century and well…what with the amount of alcohol that you consumed and can still be picked up…sniff… Well, I don't think..."Colin had watched Ryan make his way back around the desk while he was going on and was delightfully interrupted with a pair of warm lips against his.

He mmm’d happily at the sudden touch. His brain was singing and he didn't draw away. Ryan kissed him deeply damning anyone to make their presence known while he was thanking his ‘partner’ for fine investigative techniques.

He showed Colin a few of his own as his tongue made entry to his mouth kissing him with a renewed energy, craving the warmth and taste of him. Colin was too surprised to do anything but open up and just take what he got. Ryan's kiss was so passionate that Colin almost fell out of his chair. It had nearly tipped over but Ryan grabbed him up by the arms pulling him close.

"Ryan…" Colin murmured against his lips, his breath catching because Ryan was kissing him breathless. He pushed ineffectually against his chest, trying to break the kiss. "Rynmmpn…"

Finally, and after much coaxing, Ryan let him go.

"Colin you have no idea. Those guys have been on my back for such a long time. How can I thank you?"

"Well I think I was ‘thanked’ pretty well just now…for a start." Colin said with a wink. He put his fingers to his lips tasting Ryan there trying to will his rapid heartbeat to settle. "So now we’re even."

Ryan laughed throatily and gave him a very seductive suggestive look that made Colin shiver down to his toes.

"So now you have other weapons besides your fists, OK?" Colin said meaningfully and Ryan nodded.

"I can't wait."
-----
It was time for the morning meeting and all the officers gathered in the conference room. They were all a little worse for wear after last night’s activities. Chief Carey sat in his chair looking as if he were still trying to get the world to stop spinning so fast. His hands were shaking when he tried to raise his coffee mug to his lips. It spilled everywhere. He set it back down and groaned in frustration. Colin took paper towels and handed them across the table. Ryan yawned while and brought them all up-to-date about the case and where they would go from there. The conference didn't last long. It was Friday so they all decided to call it a day at noon.

"Have you any plans for the weekend?" Colin asked, as they made their way back to Ryan’s office.

"Not really...sleeping maybe." Ryan yawned again.

"I was thinking you know maybe if you wanted to, we could do something together like go out somewhere?" Colin said testing the waters. He wasn’t sure if it was too soon, but after the scene in this office not only an hour ago…one of which his mind kept replaying over and over and did nothing to quell the heat that had rose and stayed…he was willing to risk it.

"As friends?"

"As very good special friends and…close friends." Colin said coming close to him snaking tentative arms around Ryan’s waist, looking up shyly into his eyes.

Ryan sighed and placed his hands on Colin’s shoulders. He stared deeply into his brown, unsure eyes that were fearful of rejection.

"Look, this doesn’t remove the problem...I just get these guys off my back but..."

"Isn’t that enough?" Colin said stepping back. "What is it with you? Don't you think we can be more open together because of this and then maybe someday we won’t have to worry about it at all? Because Ryan…I’m not worried…I want this. I’ve wanted this for a long time. I’m not giving you any more options I’m not taking no as an answer. If you have a problem with us still…after all of this…then I don’t know…just what is it you want?"
"Oh Colin…" Ryan said dropping his eyes. He was so conflicted. It was always the same fear he battled. If it wasn’t with these guys it would ALWAYS be someone else. And he was respected here. He didn’t want to trust himself to think how others would see him, would respect him, if he shared this part of his personal life. "Don't think that I don't hope that. I want it just as much as you do. I think about it...everyday. But I know this town. I know these people."

"I think you’re full of shit, Ryan. You’ve been tough and scared all your life and now I’m here again…hanging on your every word…WAITING for you! I need you Ryan but my sanity can’t let me wait forever. You make me feel dirty when you talk this way. This is who I am. This is how I want to be…I’m not ashamed…and if you can’t accept me…accept us both…then…I am just ...well...screw it!" Colin said struggling to pull away from Ryan. He felt the tears painfully at the back of his eyes and he just wanted to go to his office and slam the door.

Something behind Ryan’s eyes snapped. His brain sparked even more fear and panic at the thought of losing Colin once again. He was not going to let that happen. He held tightly to the frantic bird in his arms, and came to terms with just what he wanted and with whom. He didn’t want this fear anymore, and watching Colin struggle against him, he knew he didn’t want to fight it anymore. "Stop…Colin…Just…stop." Ryan said pulling Colin to his chest once more.

"Let me go Ryan…" Colin said his voice tight with a sob ready to break free. He couldn’t look at Ryan and looked at the carpet behind him. He was not going to cry. Ryan looked at Colin with a fierce intensity. He tried to convey what he couldn’t with words through his actions. He forced Colin to look at him, bringing a long forefinger to his chin, turning his head. "Colin…he said softly and pressed his lips to Colin’s. Colin trembled and stilled. A tear slid from his lash down his cheek and Ryan loosened his hold only to bring him closer again. He tasted Colin’s salty tears mixed with kisses and sighed in contentment.

At that moment, Officers Hahn and Cook opened the door to the office.

"Oh look what’s behind door number one…" Hahn shouted at his partner and began to snort laughter.
Ryan stiffened in Colin’s arms and Colin closed his eyes in dread. No one moved and the silence loomed until Ryan turned slowly toward the voices crossing his arms and staring the two officers down.

"C'mon, say what you gotta say." Ryan provoked, he had blocked Colin from the others view allowing the shorter man to compose himself.

"Oh look…" Hahn said to Cook as they edged their way into the room. People were beginning to mill around in the hallway. Hahn’s voice was beginning to carry. The ladies are trying to start another fight. Well I say we just see who’s a bit more limp-wristed…ass fucker!"

"Ass fucker…now that’s original." Ryan said allowing a smirk to cross his features. "That’s mighty brave words coming from someone who likes to touch young girls." That wiped the grin right off of Hahn’s face. Suddenly he wasn’t quite sure he wanted the gathering crowd behind him.

"Uh…hey…what the hell are you talking about?" Hahn said nervously, he was beginning to sweat.

"Your ex-girlfriend said some pretty interesting things at your trial. Even thought they dropped the charges, cause your uncle’s a crooked judge, just like you’re a crooked cop, I think I believe her side of the story." Ryan said lazily, moving to lean back against his desk as he spoke levelly to Officer Hahn.

"And I wouldn’t look so shocked, Cook, let's see." Ryan said pretending to think back, rubbing a hand across his jaw. Colin had quietly come to sit beside Ryan perching himself on Ryan’s desk. He let Ryan handle this. It was something he needed to do.

"In 1998 you were suspended from your job in another state because you had some trouble with the law. You guys seem to be able to get yourselves out of all kinds of shit even rape and assault."

The two men had came into the room now closing the door behind them. They in no way wanted this information broadcasted to the rest of the department. They stood in the middle of the room shocked and dumbfounded.

"You still paying that girl a large monthly settlement? Suddenly you don’t appear to be the self-righteous pricks you make yourselves out to be. I don’t blame you though, the depths you bastards sunk. It’s about the only way you’d ever get a woman."

Ryan looked at the pair of them gaping and puffed up. They were both deep shades of red from anger and embarrassment. They looked each other, then back at Ryan.

"You bastards make me sick…and to think you had problems with this…"he said indicating himself and Colin standing next to him looking back at the officers with equal disgust. "If I even hear you breathe a word or a syllable about Colin’s and my personal business…I will put my foot so far into yours you won’t be able to get a job anywhere else in this country. Am I understood?"

The officers swallowed hard and curtly nodded their heads. Ryan approached them slowly. "Now who’s being fucked up the ass…?" He smiled wryly. "Get the hell out of my office." Both of the officers turned around and shut the door behind them with a bang.

Ryan stood in the middle of the room, his chest rising and falling. He felt better than he had in a very long time. Colin came to stand behind him, not touching but close enough to feel the heat on his skin, through his shirt.

"Well…that was easy. You think we ruffled some feathers? Without using fists?" Ryan asked his back still facing Colin.

"I certainly hope so." Colin said close to Ryan’s ear. He was speaking softly, still overcome with all the emotions flowing through him. The most prominent being pride. He was proud of Ryan. Proud of what he did and how he handled the situation. "If they are smart, they'll wise up and drop it if they want to keep their jobs." Colin said exhaling and letting his warm breath tickle the fine hair on the shell of Ryan’s ear. He gave Ryan a backwards hug, resting his head on Ryan’s shoulder, sighing in relief.

"If they’re smart..." Ryan huffed derisively. He turned to face Colin. "Really Colin, how can I thank you? Why did you do this for me?"
"I did it for us, Ryan. I love you and it's really hard for me to be just friends. We can’t hide forever. I don’t want to hide, and I don’t want to feel ‘wrong’ for loving you anymore. I know it’s difficult and hard and I know you have a reputation to uphold…so you say…, but I thought if we still can be lovers, I can refrain from shouting from the roof tops just how I feel about you. Are you at least willing to let us be that?"

"Oh…Colin. You are the kindest man I have ever known, and I guess that maybe I can meet you half-way there. I mean maybe...maybe someday things will change here. I know it starts with me, but we have time now, and I’m willing to let go of some of this hard, stubborn exterior, if you’ll still be patient with me. I know I’m a lot to handle." Ryan said blushing at his well-known revelation. Colin looked up into his eyes reading the emotions hiding behind there battling with each other struggling for dominance. The one shining through was love. He smiled softly and put his head on Ryan’s chest. Ryan held him tightly as they felt each other’s hearts beating strongly.

"Now where were we before they interrupted?" He rumbled low in his chest, a mischievous growl.

"Hmmm…I think we were with my tongue right around here." Colin said lifting his head and reclaiming Ryan's mouth again.


Colin was sitting on his sofa. It was late Saturday evening and he was watching TV and eating a chocolate mousse dessert he had bought from the local bakery earlier that day. He hadn't heard from Ryan since they parted from the department on Friday. He guessed that Ryan was pretty much exhausted and was sleeping away his lingering hangover and lack of down time during the past week.

He was getting into a great nature documentary on television and was concentrating so hard that he didn't hear the car pulling into his drive or hear the footsteps approaching until his doorbell rang, breaking his concentration. He got up and sighed, wondering who would be coming over this late and padded to the front door in his sock feet. He peeked through the small window his confusion immediately transferring to awareness and amusement.

"Hey Colin!" Mischievous green eyes met warm brown ones under lashes.
Colin watched the smiling face of the Deputy Sheriff’s cautiously. He glanced down and noticed that he had a suitcase with him.

"Are you going somewhere?" Colin asked and raised his eyebrow curiously.

"Yeah, home." Ryan said with finality brushing past Colin and stepping into the living room.

Colin turned around amazed and couldn't do anything but smile. He had no idea what was in his lover's mind, but he guessed that this was a big step for Ryan so he decided not to tease him too much about it. He closed the door and came back into the living room, expectant. Ryan was certainly going to have to explain himself a little more. It was too much for his heart to take and it was swelling to almost bursting at the moment.

"Colin, I'm not moving in. I’m just moving in a little…you know. I...the little speech of yours, the things you said to me. I...that is…I’ve been thinking…actually I haven’t been sleeping at all…this is important…but Colin know me by now and I can't be that open and yeah...well...I brought something." Ryan nervously lifted his suitcase onto the sofa and opened it.

He started to pull clothes out from it and throw them around the room. A t-shirt landed precariously on Colin’s head and he just stood there, still shocked, allowing it to fall to the ground. Ryan took a picture of him in a frame and placed it on Colin's bookshelf.

"So…there you have something of me around here and I will spend time with you here but Colin, I need my own space and I can't promise I will wake next to you every morning..." Ryan stopped mid-sentence realizing that he had begun to babble and the room was otherwise silent. He shifted nervously from foot to foot waiting for Colin to speak.

Colin looked at Ryan with tenderness in his eyes. Ryan did this for him, and it was truly a big step from him, Colin knew that. He had no heart to protest Ryan’s living arrangements and decided to give up and accept it for what it was at the moment. It was right and it was a million times better than being without him at all.

"So now, can you give me your key…my key, please?" Ryan asked straightening his arm out toward Colin.
Colin looked at the hand and looked at the man. Ryan’s eyes danced hesitantly his self-confidence quickly abating. He didn’t know what he’d do if Colin rejected him now. Colin took the hand and pulled its owner close to his own body. So close they are practically inside each other’s skin. Colin felt the warmth, the heat and the security, everything he needed wrapped up inside the man in his arms.

"I love you, Ryan."

Ryan immediately smiled wide and wound his arms around Colin tightly. He looked into Colin's eyes and knew the shorter man was telling the truth. And he felt exactly the same.

"I love you too." Ryan finally said closing his eyes, pressing his forehead against Colin's.

They stayed there for a long time slowly rocking from side to side like they were dancing to only a song they could hear, listening to steady heartbeats and feeling a well-deserved peace.

Colin stopped and whispered into Ryan’s neck. "I 'm not sure what happiness is, but I think this is the closest to it I’ve ever been." His eyes had tears sparkling around the corners and Ryan felt the moisture on his neck, as Colin mouthed the words there. Ryan nodded his agreement and pulled away.

"Can I take you to bed now, Colin?"

Colin smiled taking his hand and leading Ryan toward the stairs. He turned back and picked up the mousse he was eating earlier and winked at Ryan. He slipped his finger into the dessert and seductively, teasingly eased Ryan’s lower lip open with it. Ryan moaned and took it into his mouth tasting the chocolate and Colin. He wanted more. Ryan murmured pleasure and when he opened his eyes Colin was up high on the stairs already.

"Are you coming yet?" Colin called, suggestion in his voice.

"Well, if not now, pretty soon if you keep doing that!" He roared and rushed himself to the stairs.

-----------------------

Many hours later after the house was finally silent, the trees were glimmering in the moonlight, the icicles designing the edge of the roof like a crown, the Small Town nearby the sea was calm and still. The sea peacefully reached the beach in a slow rhythm becoming the only voice to the outside world. Two men were wrapped peacefully in each others’ arms knowing that the other would be there when they were ready to open their eyes to the new dawn after well deserved sleep.

THE END