Lost Love
Title: Lost love
Author:Hannah
Pairing: Colin/Ryan
Rating: Erm... Sutible for all
Notes: Drew's POV
Time. It's so strange how quickly it goes by. Feels like only yesterday I joined the marines, got a job on Whose Line and The Drew Carey Show. Also makes you think of how short life can be. One minute you’re cruising along the free way the next your gone. And believe me. Ryan Stiles should have never taken that left turn at the junction.
God I'll miss him. You know how it is. You never really appreciate someone until their gone. I'll never forget the day I met him. I think the first thing I said to him was 'Wow your really tall' I always smile when I think of that now. I just wish my last words to him weren’t 'See you tomorrow you tall freak!' I meant it as a joke of course. But if I had known it would be the last time I ever spoke to him, I would have told him what a great friend he is, and how much he means to me. Or meant.
We, being me and the guys, are all crushed of course. Life won’t ever be the same. Whose Line won’t ever be the same. I don't even think they'll be anymore Whose Line. There's just no way to replace the tall guy. And besides, the viewers won’t want to see a Ryan-less Whose Line.
But no one, not even Ryan's wife, misses him more than Colin. I tell you I have never seen a guy so badly shaken up. I was there when Colin and I were told the news about the accident. Colin shook so badly he couldn't sit still. When he was confirmed dead he just cried and cried. I held him for hours. By the time he was done my shoulder was completely sodden with his tears. I'd never seen Colin cry. It wasn't a sight I liked seeing.
That's most likely what he's doing now. Crying. In his hotel room. While me and the guys sit in the hotel restaurant and eat. It's been only two weeks since the death but we have all tried to get on with our lives. I think Ryan would have wanted it this way. He always hated seeing any of us upset. Especially Colin.
I left to go check on him. I hate that Colin can't get over it. I mean the guys and I are still depressed but we don't cry. And we don't hide in our hotel rooms all day and all night. He's getting very thin. He doesn't eat much now.
I knocked on his door and waited for a response. There wasn't one. There never is. But I know he's in there. He just doesn't like talking to anyone now, not me, not the guys, not even his wife.
I open the door and step inside. He's here. Sitting on the side of the bed, back to me. Hugging a pillow to his chest, covering his mouth with it to muffle his sobs.
"Hey Colin I know there's not a chance in hell of this but any chance you wanna come get something to eat?"
He shook his head. I sighed and made my way over to him. I sat down next to him, working out what I should say next. He needs to eat, he hasn't for days. I open my mouth to tell him this but he cuts me off as he chokes out his words.
"He's really gone Drew." is what he says. Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. His eyes were puffy and red; his cheeks tear stained, as was his pillow and the bed sheets. I didn't think it was possible to cry this much.
"Yeah, he's gone." I said softly, what else could I say? The truth is painful but it needs to be told.
Colin sniffed and his breath started hitching in his chest. But he held back a sob as he opens his mouth to speak again.
"There are so many things I never got to tell him." he sounded angry now, most likely at himself. Poor guy. He cares the most about Ryan out of all of us; this must be heartbreaking for him.
"I never told him I loved him." he whispered. This made me stop and stare at him. I mean I loved him too of course, but as a friend. Colin sounded as if he was talking about something much deeper.
"Do you love him?" I asked even though I knew what the answer would be.
"Yes. With all my heart." he said looking at me with his watery brown eyes. I put my arm round him and let him cry on my shoulder, as I tried to think what he meant by that. I don't think this was friend love anymore. This goes beyond that. Colin truly does love Ryan. And I'm sure Ryan felt the same way.
What does it matter now though? Life won’t ever return to normal. Ryan is gone. It's heartbreaking for all of us. But I think me and the guys will one day get over it. But as for Colin, I’m not so sure. He lost the greatest friend he ever had. None of us, not I, Greg, Brad, Chip or Jeff will ever compare to him. There's just no substitute. He also lost a love. I'm sure they were in love with each other. It's just so upsetting knowing that they can now never be together.
But Ryan will always be with us. He'll always be with Colin. Inside his heart. Forever.