Just Another Night

Title:Just Another Night
Author:colinsgal
Pairing:Ry/Col

Colin shifted, vaguely aware of the tangle of twisted sheets curling their way around him as his body told him he was going to wake up whether he liked it or not. He was still floating in that twilight zone between dreams and consciousness; stirring he became aware of his surroundings. They were unfamiliar, and yet he had been here before. Many times before. Too many times, perhaps.

It was like it always was. The feel of his cheek resting on a pillow that was softer than he would have in his own bed; the unique over starched feeling of commercial sheets; all of it alien and yet achingly familiar. Sensations he had felt so many times over the years, the afterthoughts of the night before. A night that was always the same. But something was different. Something was missing.

The arm that had been slung across his waist for most of the night was gone. It was always the same. No matter how long they were apart, each time they met it was as if they had only been separated for a few minutes. The pattern, the familiarity, the comfort was always there. Distance could and would never erase that. Perhaps that wasn’t really a good thing, Colin thought as he turned onto his side. It was a touch that he had gotten so used to that it was no longer a separate entity, but rather an extension of himself. The missing piece of him that slotted effortlessly into place whenever and wherever, regardless of any meaningless details such as space or time. When it’s there it’s so seamless that it almost goes unnoticed, for it becomes a part of him, but when it is gone it takes with it the gentle reassurance that it brings. That’s the part Colin hates the most. It’s that moment when he realises that things are still the same; that nothing has or will change. It can’t. It makes him feel sick.

Fully awake, Colin rubbed his eyes and let his eyes adjust to the sunlight streaming through the large window. It was early, but he’d had the best sleep in ages. That was another thing that was always the same. He hated that too, because thereafter he knew would follow at least a fortnight of the worst rest imaginable. And he was getting too old for that. Stretching out he disturbed what remained of the bed clothes covering him and in doing so roused once more that instantly recognisable scent. His cologne. That smell that hadn’t changed in 20 years, the scent that would provoke his senses no matter where in the world he was. The scent that was unquestionably Him, so much so that Colin would turn around in the supermarket or wherever he happened to be and find himself appalled that the person wearing it wasn’t Him. It was just wrong. That smell took him back so far, to every moment. It would always be with him. No matter what.

Feeling his back creak as he pulled himself up the bed Colin rubbed his hands over his faced and realised he really was getting too old for this. And yet, it was always the same. He hadn’t seen Ryan in God knows how long; he’d stopped counting. Smiling he realised it was typical that just when he had lost count, just when he wasn’t thinking about him, Ryan stepped onto the stage beside him and back into his life. Back into Their World; easily assuming the place by his side. The place where he belonged. Where he would always belong. Nothing would ever change that. Nothing ever could.

Having had no cause to look for it the previous night, Colin, suddenly disorientated, wondered where the bathroom was. The steady soothing sound of water flowing filled his ears and Colin’s eyes were drawn to the open door. He smiled. There it was again, Ryan reading his mind and providing the answer. To anyone else their situation would have raised endless, complicated questions. But to Colin Ryan provided the answers. He always had. It didn’t matter how difficult those answers were, no matter how many problems they brought with them. Ryan was Colin’s answer, his every response, the end to every thought; he was where the sentence ended.

Straightening the sheets and huddling down, enjoying the memories, Colin smelt Ryan’s cologne once more and smiled. The scent wasn’t on the sheets; it was on him, marking a trail across his skin where Ryan had been. Where Ryan had kissed, licked, caressed and teased. Ryan had gotten under Colin’s skin a long time ago; the first time they met if Colin was truly honest. Regrettably, however, it was only on fleeting occasions now that he came to the surface.

Silence interrupted his memories as the shower shut off; Colin opened his eyes to find Ryan with a towel slung around his waist, hunting for underwear. Droplets of water lingered and travelled down his back, through the canyons created by the flex of his muscles. Colin knew that body well. As well as his own. Maybe more so. It was always the same. Ryan never changed, never seemed to age. His lean body was as taut as it had ever been; still felt the same every time. Colin had touched and caressed every inch of that body over the years, a well travelled path. His favourite journey.

His hair. Those sandy, golden waves, darkened in colour from the water reminded him of the damp feel of them as he had ran his hands through Ryan’s hair, eliciting moans and gasps. Just like always. Snapping out of the memory, Colin realised that Ryan had finished his drying regime and that he was looking at him fondly, now dressed in a pair of jeans at the end of the bed.

‘Still checking me out after all these years?’

‘I always will, Ry’

Ryan ducked his head and blushed ever so slightly, a small smile escaping as if it came from a teenager with a crush. Just like it always did. That was the effect Colin had on him. But there was a tinge of regret behind the smile. Colin knew what the smile masked. Reality.

Meeting Colin’s eyes Ryan found what was always there. Hope, longing. It just wasn’t as fervent as it had once been. The light was still there, but it was just shrouded in the reality that the days had long passed when they might have had the courage to run away together. To leave the reality they had never really wanted to be a part of and to go where they had always wanted to be. That place didn’t exist. They knew that now. They had realised a long time ago that there was no Hollywood ending for them. This was how it always was, and would forever be. Ryan hated that.

Ryan sat on the edge of the bed, his hand seeking Colin’s; a smile creeping across his face as it did as he looked at the carpet. Colin smiled as he held Ryan’s hand in both of his. He liked this part, even though he knew what it preceded.

‘Time to go, Ry?’

Colin hated that he always had to say that, but it was the only way. Ryan nodded silently, his eyes still fixed on a point on the floor, a sigh causing his body to deflate. Colin pulled him towards him, feeling the warmth of his freshly washed skin on his own and breathed him in, fuelling his memories. Colin’s arms encircled Ryan with warmth, with comfort and love. Those arms would hold him forever. They were home. Ryan loved that; he hated to let it go. Colin’s hand cradled his head as his lips found that sensitive spot beneath his ear, working their way down his neck. Ryan smiled before finding Colin’s lips with his own and kissing him, just like he always did. As if it was their last time.

‘I love you’

‘I love you too, Ry’.

Just like always.

When Colin stepped out of the shower and back into the bedroom, Ryan was gone. Just like always. Colin hated that, but that was how it had always been. Urban Improv had been just another gig, just another performance until Ryan had appeared. And then it had been just another night. Just like always. Colin smiled. He loved those nights.